#whole30 R4D11: the day most people tend to quit (!) ...also R4D12 and 13 (where we finally go out to dinner at a restaurant!)

I read this post the other day and it made me laugh so hard! I really truly thought "never again" to another whole30. Just over two years later here I am doing my 4th one! (and I won't even get into the 2-3 week mini whole30 attempts I have made inbetween!) Whole30, I just cannot quit you! Probably because of all the lessons I learn. And relearn (!). Also I probably should have read this article before my first whole30, er, 15.

What is CRAZY is that I really, truly did not think I saw a difference in my hands.
Look at how they looked here when I started!! 
Then go back to this post at the end of the 30 days.
UNBELIEVABLE. Thankfully, my hands have never looked that bad since (knock on wood of course, and I certainly credit taking a break from Crossfit as helping a lot in that aspect since it did destroy my hands on a daily basis)

But this psoriasis on my body business. It is driving me crazy!! I just have to remind myself that it gets worse (and it defintely is!) before it gets better. I am toying with the idea (not happily, I might add) of extending my whole30 if my skin does not clear up by day 30. Because then how will I know if it is sugar or dairy or gluten that is causing the inflammation if I never got it down in the first place? I know I mentioned the AIP diet, which I do NOT have ANY desire to do (because....potatoes!!!! salsa!) but I am withholding judgement for another 19 days on whether or not I need to resort to that. my body is itchy but not all the time, and not so much that it interferes with working out or regular day to day activity, which is always my gauge for interference (like the armpit psoriasis that let to my July whole30! I remember skipping MULTIPLE days at the gym because sweating made me cry with pain!), and I am really hoping to not get to that point. (It's gone in my armpits and the stuff I have on my midsection is not painful just looks bad, by the way).

Thursday-R4D11 started off really well actually... the last of the steak (Which I need to make more of ASAP), and poke salad x2. I had had a bad dream the night before where I ate ALL the NON compliant food and woke up with ALL THE GUILT but not being in the kitchen much longer than how long it took me to nuke my food really made all the difference.

 as much as I was "meh" about the soup, it is really nice to have a filling way to add some veggies (and warm soup makes my life when the weather gets cold and I don't want salads!) so I am trying to research some new ones. The slight hint of mint in this rxbar (which uses cacao chips which is straight up chocolate no sugar, and tastes bitter and not good at all on its own BTW... any chips that fall are left uneaten by me!)

R4D12- Friday morning means baconnnnnn. Which i enjoyed this meal but then was left wanting so I had some more soup!

 lunch I was not feeling well and I was out so I grabbed a bar and an apple and some nuts and that's all I could stomach for lunch (that time of the month!) but I made up for it in dinner after I made this chili and then ate all the kids chili leftovers too! Celery makes a half decent sub for chips in whole30.

 Saturday- R4D13 started off with poke and honestly I was glad to be rid of it... I am over poke for awhile. Lunch was super delicious and I wish I had more of those purple potatoes!!!

 Dinner was kind of a big deal.... full disclosure I HATE going out to eat on whole30. I hate being that picky person that is asking all the questions about everything and their sides to figure out what has sugar in it just to end up with a bland chicken breast with steamed unseasoned vegetables and a side of avocado...no thanks! I know 100% I can make something WAY more delicious and it will cost way less money, so on whole30 I only end up eating out when I "have" to.

My parents are in town this week and offered to watch the kids so we can go out to eat and Drew responded with  something to the effect of "Ruth can't go out to eat when she's on whole30" and that's when I knew a tiny part of me had failed in my whole30 attempts. After minimal research I found Abergine, which we had been to a couple times before (Drew had actually introduced it to me last year). I was so impressed by the fact that the dressings were dairy free and made with cashews that I knew we had to try it over 5 guys burgers (a close second choice) and chipotle salads (a distant 3rd because I love those tortillas and miss them too much). I got the tri-tip salad with no cheese and a side of roasted sweet potatoes (such a good compliment to the spicy jalapeno cilantro dressing on the salad).

The last few days I have felt a bit like I have been "coasting" on whole30, everything has been good but this evening was a struggle because it was the last day of Crumbl's muddy buddy cookie and I was pretty tempted to quit because how could I say no to that?! BUT. I reminded myself how terrible I would feel physically after a giant cookie (because I always do!) and psychologically from breaking a promise to myself (I am only halfway!). I compromised and decided that instead of continuing to alienate myself from Drew (since our typical date nights usually revolve around treats, which has been a struggle the last few months), they had a "nice cream", which was made with no sugar or dairy (just dates and pure vanilla and cocoa and cashews) and I asked Drew if he wanted to split it with me, adding in some almonds for crunch, almond butter (since he's the chocolate-peanut butter king!) and strawberries and we both loved it! He asked me twice before we ordered if this was within the guidelines so we could avoid another smoothie incident, and I assured him all of the ingredients were whole30 complaint. Was it something I would have all the time? Not at all. Was it within my Food Freedom to do so, making for a not-completely-perfect but still perfectly compliant whole30 for me? Definitely yes. One of the things Melissa Hartwig mentioned in our Q&A was letting "good enough" be good enough. Do I make a LOT of my own compliant dressings, marinades, and meals? YES. Do I need to cut myself some slack and be okay with an assortment of snacklike things when I am in an emergency or too exhausted to make a meal from scratch? Yes.

 And mostly today I feel a huge sense of accomplishment in knowing that I did not need this to complete my Saturday date night <3 two weeks tomorrow!!

#Septemberwhole30 Day 4: We now commence with crazy food dreams, what exactly is the whole30 and recent psoriasis issues

I ate a pizza.
Not just a slice, but a WHOLE ENTIRE PIZZA. (Which I have never done or wanted to do in real life ever)
Crazy thing is, I don't even like pizza very much at all, and rarely eat it unless I am the one making it.
Then I woke up this morning.
And I felt like garbage. Not even a little bit hungry.

*disclaimer: I did not actually eat a pizza...still on whole30*

Weirdest way to start my morning but I am pretty used to it by now, the crazy food dreams for me always start a few days in (usually involving me eating something I am trying to avoid) and stick around for the next two weeks. Most mornings I wake up wracked with guilt and sometimes I have to remind myself out loud that it was only a dream. Even this fourth time around, my brain still finds bizarre ways of coping with not being able to rely on an easy sugar fuel.

Breakfast was the last of my pot roast with guac and an egg that I honestly was too full to finish till about 2 hours after I started eating.

 Lunch was a fun little experiment... I was hungrier now (the phantom pizza must have dissolved back into my subconscious), borderline ravenous and I had some pork (from maybe early last week?) and a bunch of random roasted veggies leftover that I didn't want to eat, so I cut them all up really small yesterday and made some easy ranch I mixed with hot sauce to basically make it taste like Bang Bang Pork and veggies.... divine on top of some roasted SP slices (with paprika and salt)! I went back for seconds on those which was a good thing since as soon as I really looked at most of the peaches I cut up they had already gone bad ;(

 Drew even tried some of the lunch! I think he was wary about it when I was talking about it but he seemed to like it! Dinner was the same but a little less so I threw in my lettuce salad with an egg and some new walmart brand of sparkling water I am loving lately (sorry lacroix!)

I have questions all the time on what I "can't" eat 

on whole30 (I do prefer to say that I "choose not to" eat them)

Basically, I am "only" eating WHOLE foods, quite literally the definition of feeding my body to give it the best possible fuel I can, since the things listed on the "no" list are the things that have been shown in studies to cause some sort of inflammation in the bodies of humans or animals.

The first time I did the whole30. I had a MONSTER headache for a solid week. Probably partly because I was not drinking enough water but mostly because I relied so heavily on foods with a sugar base (read your labels, they sneak sugar in EVERY.THING), it really shocked my body. Each time since then there has been significantly less headaches, and my really bad headaches I usually have on the daily come around 430 pm usually disappear by day 10. Most of the first week of whole30 I go right to "I just want a nap" which lasts shorter with each reset, and I get back to full operating energy much faster, which I will admit is probably my #1 reason for going on another whole30.

I mentioned the psoriasis... It was pretty much just on my ankle and same knee for the last two or three years...

 but the one on my knee is nearly gone, the cuts and sores on my hands have completely vanquished in the last year, and my elbows which were terrible and always bleeding or itchy, are completely smooth and psoriasis free. Is it because of something I eliminated? That is what I am for sure going to find out this round. Hopefully.

See, about four days after I took a break from full whole30 (skipping reintroduction which was a terrible idea as always), I broke out in this rash all over my body, mainly my torso.

 can you see all those tiny red dots? They have now been all over my stomach back and sides for over a week and I have no idea why. I actually have one that has been growing right at that "shelf" my stomach makes when it is relaxed like it is above. This is NOT a "before and after". This is just my postpartum not sucked in (above) and sucked in like I usually try to do in public (below). I feel like because of the lighting and the contours of my stomach (at least) I can see some spots in one picture and other spots in another picture.

I am hoping that in the next 26 days I can figure out what is causing the breakouts and try to eliminate it from my diet completely, figure out what causes the swelling in my abdomen (well more so than my diastasis recti already does) and reduce or eliminate that as well. Wish me luck because here comes day 5...

MY WHY...Nearly 9 full days into my #HobbitWhole30

Just over two weeks ago Drew's aunt mentioned that she was planning on doing a Whole30. I laughed to myself and thought...well, better her than me. Then I really thought about how I was feeling...how I felt mentally, emotionally and physically. 2017 was a really good year but it was also a year where while I took care of myself on the outside (working out, showering enough, sleeping enough), I was damaged on the inside. And while some parts of me have shown that damage (ie my stomach) for the last year and change, other parts starting rearing their ugly heads. I started breaking out a lot over November-December, more than I even remember in middle school when I hit puberty. I rarely ever break out, and then when I started getting cold sores and on top of THAT, my psoriasis flared up like crazy on the back of my neck on New Year's eve and I knew I had to do it.

I had to push that RESET button.

Figure out what it was that was upsetting my body and do what I could to correct it.

2014 was the first time around that I read most of It Starts With Food (there are some super sciencey parts I really had to glaze over) and did a measly 14 days on Whole30, I realized it had a lot of rules, which when I broke one on day 4 and realized I had been eating turkey that was non compliant (!!), I started over again. Either way I did not make it the Whole30, mostly from lack of knowledge (I ran out of recipes and got bored pretty fast) and community/support (people thought I was crazy and/or amazing for "doing what I could do", which I guess, looking back on it when I had a barely one year old baby and a 4 year old preschooler and a traveling all the time husband, I suppose I would have said the same to myself). It didn't help that I had been on a week and then it was Mother's day weekend so Drew was not thrilled that he could not get me/make me any treats, but I heavily hinted on some new Yankee Candles and he delivered! I learned a lot of lessons from that Whole15, but vowed that it was not for me and figured I could lose the last 5 pounds of baby weight by carb cycling instead. Then a month later I got pregnant with twins...

2016- Two years later, the twins had turned one, were done with nursing and I was still in shock with how terrible my body still looked. So in July I embarked on a second attempt (first full one I completed) of Whole30.  This time as well as the last I realized how much sugar I really eat (A LOT BECAUSE ITS IN EVERYTHING), that I use sugar as reward/punishment/motivation/when I feel like yelling at my kids so I hide in the pantry eating ice cream. FOUR KIDS IS HARD but doing the whole30 helped me realize that I can still do hard things. Two months after finishing whole30 I found out we were going to move and so began my crazy stress eating that continued for over a year till...

This year. 2018. Instead of being single digits away from my pre-pregnancy weight I was now double digits, and stagnated at basically the same weight I was when I was 6 weeks post-twins (mind blowing!!). I knew my body had changed some but not much since I had the twins nearly 3 years ago, and so I consented to another Whole30, knowing exactly what I was going into. My psoriasis since I had little d has always been on my hands (tiny little cuts all over) and a little on my knees and elbows (dry scaly skin that cannot be loofah'd away). After the twins it sprung up on my ankles, I went to multiple doctors about it and they all gave me lotions or recommended treatment that would only work for a short time: this was something I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Then when in the month before we moved I noticed it on my scalp, but it was not noticeable (you can thank my mom giving me that huge head of hair on that one!). It slowly started to spread when we moved to Utah, but for the most part was just a little circle that itched on the edge of my hairline....the crazy part is my hands actually GOT BETTER since moving to utah, without me really doing much. So crazy right?! Then like I mentioned, on New Years Eve going into 2018, it spread down my neck SO bad. So now everyone could see it and it hurt like a sunburn. I feel asleep crying every night for a couple of days it hurt so bad. Even turning my neck hurt! So when January 1 came around the next day I was ready to take the plunge into Whole30 a few days earlier than my friends and I were anticipating.

 How the psoriasis on my knees and ankles looked the night before my whole30:

It has not been easy. My day to day is filled with temptation because I have four kids that pretty consistently eat stuff I do not. But thankfully our routine most of their lives has been that I usually eat something completely different than they do for breakfast and lunch, then I make a dinner for everyone unless what I am making is something I don't want to share then I am fine making them their mac n cheese or ramen and eggs (gag!). I shifted away from cereal in the last 6 years, and since I was doing Clean Simple Eats on and off in 2017 (and lots of "Clean Simple treats" obviously!), I was getting better with portion sizes than I did right after I stopped nursing the twins, and I was making sure to have protein at every meal, since both Bob Harper and Chris Powell advocate for that. Honestly, this round of Whole30 has been less about changing my meals and more about changing my snacking options. I felt like I ate all day every day last year, lots of snacks and at least at treat or two EVERY DAY. As cliche as it sounds, you really cannot outwork(out) a bad diet and I was running myself ragged (and depressed! because it SO doesn't work!!) trying to do so.

I can't believe I am almost 1/3 of the way "there". I am equal parts excited and terrified to be "off-roading" again. It is SO nice to feel my stomach and not because it is bloated (it's not! at last!). My goal with this Whole30 is to REALLY figure out what works and does not work for my body like you are supposed to. I love the new Whole 30 day by day journal I got (thanks to Sarah and McKay for the gift card!) and the Fast and Easy Cookbook has been my go-to the last week, I love the recipes so far and a few are officially cemented as regular favorites for me. No I am not affiliated with Whole30, nor do I get paid for those links, but I did get them at Target and they have been super helpful for me on this round especially. But the reflections and the helps on each day make such a big difference, not to mention Aunt Michelle and Cousin Erika (and Kenna) doing it alongside me. Social media makes it so much easier to find new recipes that are crazy good and all in all, this has not been as difficult as I imagined. It still stinks not eating bread when little d makes Nutella on toast but when the 3-5 minutes of temptation passes and I realize I dominated that temptation, it is so much sweeter to me than even the most perfectly made Nutella toast. I go to bed feeling good and wake up feeling even better, which is something I have rarely done in the last two years since my last Whole30.

Here's to another 21 days!

2016 trunk or treat, amish farm trip and update on my hands...they are (finally!) healed!!

We really do Halloween well out here.

Every year the kids get 3 rounds of Halloween, minimum.

Our ward has a trunk or treat, our township has a halloween party, and then there is trick or treating at our neighborhood and occasionally at my parents, and of course Boo at the Zoo.

Friday night was the trunk or treat and chili cookoff and it did not disappoint.

 I need photoshop just to get ONE good pic of the two of them. jeez. both of you look at me at the same time!!

 I was too lazy for Drew and my costumes so I found a spiderman mask for me, hulk shirt for drew, and the rest of the avengers to match miss merida who goes from refusing her wig anywhere near her to never taking it off. at least her hair is getting "so big"!

 such a fun little wig, we even did our nails for today... red for me and green for her.

 Panda took of with some friends of ours to trick or trick with them, and I took Lo and A while little d did his thing and Drew passed out candy. It was so much fun (and only a tiny bit scary when it got dark and I didn't know where Lan was, of course he was fine with our friend, but it was still scary for me to not have them all right in sight of me).

 Lo discovered lollipops, and all 4 kids (Still feels weird saying that!) were so sugared up that getting them to bed was CRA. ZYYYYY. But we all had a good night and the next day we lazed around till we couldn't hold off the naps anymore and made our way to Amish Country.

 favorite shot of the trunk or treat!

 goofing off Saturday morning:

 Lo was unusually snuggly with me. He usually never lets me hold him but lately has been clingy... and I kind of like it. Does this mean I finally have a chill baby?!?!

 Babies got into the marker. OH how they love to "cah-ah" (color) but Lan eats the crayons and Lo the markers so...work in progress.

 "'dash" said Lo, meaning we needed to clean up the "trash" on his hand... haha!

 sleeping on the hour drive to Amish Country

 I think they requested sitting on this chair more than anything else at this Amish farm. Did not lost its novelty.

 Beautiful little barn with baby animals--cows, goats (we kept having to tell them "down!"....sound familiar? ha!), pigs, horses, pony and of course kittens.

 All 4 kids got a pony ride but Lo was with me the whole time so I didn't get a shot of him.

 My kids fight a lot. mostly about toys but I have never seen them fight over something as much as these kittens. A caught this one on her own and dang if it wasn't adorable.

 beautiful handcrafted furniture everywhere and I wanted it all....Lan just wanted this $50 stroller ;)

 saying goodbye to her little friend (that almost jumped into our car!)

 ...someone threw a fit that he wasn't stealth enough to catch that kitten first. What can she say? A is nothing if not good at death grips on animals.

 the ride home was not as much fun as the way there when everyone was asleep, but the view was gorgeous.

 we came home to recover and I took a walk with the boys, looked down at my hands and realized (despite the cut from a knife on my thumb and a blister because I tried touching caramel while it was still hot because obviously I should not be in a kitchen...)

 MY FINGERS. I didn't even notice that despite the weather cooling off, the new medication the new dermatologist my parents referred me to that I only apply morning after shower and night before bed (and NO gloves this time!!!) has apparently healed my hands. I hate to jinx it but dare I say it? HEALED.

18 months of pain with every movement and now they feel so so good, 

obviously I barely notice them!!