NEWS FLASH: ITS NOT EASY!

As I was driving home tonight from the gym, 35 minutes with two crying babies and a movie playing for the toddler and some game on the tablet singing in the backseats, I had this moment of thought...what was I thinking?! this is so inconvenient, what could I do to make this easier.... and as I played different scenarios in my mind of arranging sitters, schedules, etc, I had this realization:

Working out and eating healthy is NEVER going to be convenient or easy.

It wasn't when I was in school or working full time.

It wasn't when I had one baby.

It wasn't when I had two kids.

And while I can't say anything about having three kids, I can definitely say that having to work out with FOUR kids sometimes feels impossible because just NOT working out and grabbing whatever convenience food can be eaten quickly and not bothering to food prep, THAT's easy. In theory. But it also leads to a miserable mama.

Every day is a battle. Most mornings (and I will tell you, EVERY evening) I don't want to eat healthy or work out because I'M TIRED and LOOK AT ALL THESE KIDS I HAVE TO KEEP TRACK OF! I was so excited to quit at my old gym, LA Fitness, at the end of last year, for a smaller "boutique" gym (AKA not a conglomerate where you have no one to complain to when there's no one that shows up to watch your kids) that was supposed to open in January.... and it is still not open. So for the last month I have been managing without a gym while Drew is at home to go for runs or just try to get some sort of a workout that my FitBit would accept as me being "active" at night at home before I went to bed, etc. but enough is enough. The original location of the gym I joined (where they are building a second one literally about two miles from my house) is a good 30 minute drive. But two or three days a week making that drive with my kids for hopefully only a month till the new one opens is worth it to save my sanity.

Because let me tell you, Drew and I have a date set that I will be spending a solid week in a bathing suit in Costa Rica and I want to feel better in that week than I will have felt in the last 18 months or so.

Let's do this.

"I don't know how she does it all!"

Spoiler alert...she DOESN'T!

A few weeks ago I had Keely and her family over for dinner and she said something that about made me laugh but also seriously concerned me. I had made a pretty easy crockpot dinner and on top of that, the kids had actually all taken naps at the same time so the house was clean and food was on the table at dinnertime even though Drew was out of town. So when Keely told me "I just don't know how you have the energy to do it all!" I quickly corrected her...

By no means do I EVER want to give off the impression that I am capable of "doing it all".

Something always gets sacrificed. ALWAYS. Anyone who tells you otherwise (or leads you to believe otherwise) is a big fat liar liar pants on fire (in the words of little d).

Yesterday for example. I had a rough night with the boys (meaning they were up less than three hours at a time to eat! growth spurts gahh) and Sunday morning saw me hit snooze on the alarm one too many times...I finally dragged my butt out of bed right before the littles all started waking up to get a quick shower, then bathed both kids (who I don't think I remembered to bathe all week...have I mentioned how sweaty and stinky my kids get in the summer? #momoftheyear), ran downstairs and let the kids watch netflix cartoons (so much for bringing the spirit into my home, but they were both so happy and well behaved so it was worth it!) while I finished nursing babies and popped german pancakes in the oven. Naturally, breakfast was ready like 10 minutes before we had to start loading the car. Thanks to Drew, we made it to church dressed and on time (sacrifice of enjoying my favorite breakfast was having to literally shovel it down my throat in 2 minutes...boo!) but as I looked down at my chipped nailpolish I remembered I hadn't painted my nails in two weeks, something I used to make my Saturday night tradition before the boys came. Oh well. Then after church I put all three littlest littles to nap and spent the afternoon cooking and prepping dinner which was absurdly delicious and worth it. Sacrifice: no nap, and only a small amount of one on one time with little d, who was awake and watching the Red Sox game with Drew.

In short. If my house is clean, its because I stayed up too late cleaning it the night before. If I spend a ton of time doing fun stuff with my kids, my house is in complete disaray and I probably didn't get to take a nap. If an awesome meal is on the table or I actually got a workout in, it is probably because I largely ignored my kids/had my mom or sister watch them and/or let them watch a movie so I could indulge in one of my favorite passions.

EVERYTHING has a tradeoff. And unfortunately for the last three months the biggest thing I have sacrificed is sleep...but you can sleep while you're dead right? HA! Kidding...seriously I just keep praying and reading my scriptures in the mornings and trying to have faith that I will survive and thrive in this crazy sleep deprived state, And so far, I have! Most days I have been blessed to feel just fine despite the lack of sleep, and have been able to function better than I did the "fourth trimester" of either big kids.

But if I have learned anything, it is that you have to be okay with the tradeoffs. About 5 of 7 nights a week, I completely disregard housework and let the house be messy when I go to bed. The balancing act is hard, and something I may never stop struggling with, but I take heart in two quotes that carry me just about every day:

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.”

And

 “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

Okay, enough about that. Pigtails! Kitties!

Lan is usually my Sous chef but Lo had to stand in today since Lan was passed out at lunchtime. Love that sweet face!

And little d had his fourth dentist visit (first one in Ohio, then in Massachusetts, and this is our second visit to this dentist here)

NO CAVITIES!!! woo hoo!! Always so fun to get to watch little d interact with other adults ;)

and we ended the night with FHE... everyone does family home evening differently, but we try to do it on Monday (unless Drew travels then we do Sunday night) and each week we focus on one family member. First week is little d, second week is little a, etc. They are QUICK but I try to include a prayer, song, mini lesson (which is sometime a mormon message we talk about), activity and treat. Tonight was baby girl's night so it was homemade ice cream, a lesson from this site (head shoulders knees and toes themed...one of her favorite songs!) about keeping good thoughts in our heads and bad thoughts out (aka lesson attempt #7 of love each other, share and stop fighting--haha!) and they loved coloring the faces we taped onto jars and then we went through things we think about and little d loved tearing up mean thoughts (I want to take that toy from my brother!) and putting nice thoughts into one of the jars.

My life is NOT perfect. I want to make sure my kids know that while this time of my life is SO crazy and chaotic most of the time, I would not trade it for anything in the world. I LOVE my crazy life and it is made so wonderful because of my crazy kids! I get SO much help from inspired family and friends on a daily basis, especially from my spouse. And blogging about it makes me love it and reflect on it and appreciate it so much more.

With that being said...its midnight! I'm off to bed. ;)

Celebrate it Sunday

I've been meaning to keep track of workouts for awhile now, but it's hard when you aren't training for anything, specifically running. I got burnt out on running earlier this summer, a groove I have yet to find my way back into. Throw in colder temps, and the unpredictability of a toddler and a preschooler and my usual "one solid hour a day, six days a week" has dwindled down to "30-45 mins a day, 4 (5 if I'm really lucky) days a week", mostly to make room for 15 minutes of showering at the end of my workout without making my kids stay in the gym childcare much longer than an hour.

I've been using a lot of the Nike Training Club app since my strike against running (62 workouts and counting!), which I adore, but this past week was rough, probably due to lethargy from someone not taking proper naps (and me not getting adequate recouperation time in the afternoon), but also a lot of hanging out with my husband late at night, watching shows together and chatting well after the kids are in bed. Having him not travel as much the last few weeks has been a lifesaver/sanity saver, but also I just like spending time in the same room with him, something I don't usually get so many days in a row. But I digress.

This past week's workout went a little something like this:

M-bootcamp class (60 mins)

T-nike training club yoga on my own (45 mins, recovering from boot camp!)

W-off

Th-strength training class (60 mins)

F-kickboxing class (55 mins)

S- walking around the block with the kids

Su-more walking

If I've learned anything about working out in the last decade of my life (and I like to think that I have), it's that there will always be ebbs and flows in my motivation, determination, desire to workout and interest in different forms of workout. Time and a season. And while I am not trying to lose weight, I do have a desire to stay strong and healthy for my kids, and for now that means not blowing all my energy on super intense workouts and it's ok. 

I never ever regret a workout and When I am in the midst of one I try to make each minute count. I need to keep a better record of what I am doing especially at this crazy time In my life because I want to remember that when times get tough and my desire to work out wanes (which it inevitably does every morning when I get awoken too early), I can still find success. So I am celebrating the little successes, no matter how small.

Including a months worth of daily intake of green smoothies to up my produce eating. Today was only day 5, and I barely made my smoothie by 9pm, but at least I had a buddy to share it with. Seriously so blessed.

Mommystrong

A few days ago, little d looked at me curiously while I was reading one of Lauren Conrad's novels and asked if I wanted to look like that pretty girl (her photo was on the back cover of the book) because she had yellow hair. I laughed and told him I liked being back in my brown hair thank you very much, but it did make me stop and think over the last day on what I am teaching my son about women and beauty and all that.

While I do love running, I struggle with training for a big race because it means my workouts are cardio centered, and my minimal time I have to train leaves no time for strength training.

And if I have learned anything in the last few years since starting to have kids, it's that my ultimate goal is never weight loss, it is to be strong. Strong enough to play and carry both of my children (which happens more than one might think), to have the strength to (if and when I get pregnant a third time) carry myself with a confidence I felt like I oozed while I was pregnant with A because, well, I could do anything any non pregnant person could, sometimes even more!

So I guess what i am saying is this. I want my children to have memories of their mom as a happy, strong woman. Being strong makes me happy because it bases my self esteem on the things I am capable of doing instead of what my body is not able to do (like my abdominals that may never find their way back together again). Every single workout at the gym that involved strength training that has left me feeling my best, and while I can't always make that feeling translate to all other aspects of my day to day life, I am trying.

That being said, I bought my first pair of Spanx yesterday. Not because I felt like I was fat but because I have a bridesmaids dress I have to wear this weekend that just so happens to embrace that lovely area of my midsection where my right and left sides of my front abs have a seeming hatred for each other, forever separated and torn apart from that lovely 50 pound weight gain with D the first time around. And they unfortunately have the tendency to make me look pregnant (I'm not), especially when wearing a dress that cinches at the waist. So for the last few months since I spent $200 on a dress I may only wear once, I've struggled with that midsection.

And today, even though it has not changed much at all in a year (eating a bag of chips for dinner like I did tonight probably doesn't help), I felt proud. Confident in my body, as perfectly imperfect as it is, because those lovely wrinkles and folds hide the secret of growing two gorgeous babies. And I know that buried (probably quite deeply) in that midsection of mine is the strength of my core, the health and lifeline of my body and for that I have a lot to be proud of. And I wouldn't trade it for all the tummy tucks in the world (probably because that enormous scar would scare me too much!).

Perfectly imperfect but mommystrong.