A letter to my daughter I wrote at 3am a few weeks ago

Gods greatest creation 

Women. You could argue for the human body but let's be frank... Satan is working harder than ever to tear down women through the most destructive way possible: self esteem... I mean: fad diets, wraps, pills, surgery," thinspo", "fitspo", eating disorders, body dismorphia, birth control, abortion, fertility issues....the list is endless (and too many horrible things I can't even mention) and no man can ever fully understand the attack on the female body that Satan is waging today.

Think about how much time energy and effort satan expends to degrade and belittle women, make us compare and nitpick our bodies, in many countries to shame them into hiding or thinking that they are any less than a man simply because they were born female, as if somehow that would distract us from the reality that we are created to be co-creators with God. No man will ever have that ability.

I do not think I will ever understand why in this life some women are not Given the opportunity to get married, or a chance to bear children. Dearest daughter, even you may be one of them. BUT I believe without a shadow of a doubt that just as you were a female before you came to this earth and gained an earthly body, you, and every woman on this earth contains that power of creation. Some women may only get to use that gift to its fullness after this life, but I know that no amount of blessings will ever be held back from righteous women.

Of the last 10 years of my life, when I turn 30, I will have spent a total sum of over 4.5 years growing and nourishing babies from my body. My body did that!! Our bodies are capable of doing something so miraculous that even the most modern of technology has yet to replicate--the incubation of a jumble of cells into a fully formed infant (pregnancy!) and then the creation of the most perfect and nutritionally complete combination of sustenance (breast milk!) to be distributed in perfect proportion to the demand of the baby (babies).

That same body during that decade of time has run hundreds of miles, including 5 half marathons and one full 26.2 marathon.

So yes dear daughter. Having a baby changes your body. It allows it to expand to its fullest capacity of creation in a way that you will never experience in any other way. It brings you closer to godliness (in the bearing and raising of children) than any other experience you will have in your life.

Everything society tells you about how your body "should" look prebaby, postbaby, no baby ...is a lie. If you choose to focus on how your body looks in comparison to anyone else's body to how it used to look at a certain time, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment, and are walking down the exact crooked path that Satan is hoping you and every other girl in existence will take. I know because I've been there! I have too many friends that have been there... Too many women spend their entire adult life (sometimes teenage years--guilty as charged!-- and even sometimes their childhood too!) rewarding or depriving and otherwise hating their body!! And for what?! To return their bodies to the ground at the end of their mortality, the spirit lamenting on all that time wasted on this precious earth life worrying about what number she never saw on the scale or her pants when there a million better, more productive and fulfilling things that could have been done!

BUT if you choose to look at your body for what is has done, and what it continues to be capable of doing... Walking, running, lifting, squatting, dancing, playing, birthing, carrying.... You will live a life of never ending joy because you will never cease to be amazed at all the things your little female body is capable of. 

You have been gifted one body from your Heavenly Father, in His eyes (and does anyone else's opinion count for more?!), he made you perfect, created in his image and likeness (except of course that you are female!), and he did this to show his infinite love for you.

You need to be strong.

Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Satan is pulling out all the stops he can think of to weaken you and your fellow Sisters now and by the time you are able to read this it will only be worse.

Be strong and have faith, little one.

Your human body, specifically your female body, was God's greatest creation. Take good care of it. And while you're at it, with all that spare time that you won't waste on wishing your body looked a certain way, take good care to fill that brain of yours, because the knowledge you accumulate here is the only thing guaranteed that you will take with you from this life through the eternities.

Can't let national cat day go by without some pics of this crazy guy

He's back in our good graces, which means he sneaks into little d's bed for nap time with sister (hidden under her blankets)

He's even cozying up to the kids to snuggle with when drew is out of town

He sneaks into my car just to snooze and say hi...speaking of which, I cannot wait to have my car back tomorrow!

He's patient with the babies.

Even the mean ones (cough.... Sister...)

Kevin Garnett.... You're a good cat. And we are happy to have you in our family.

IT IS COMING!!!

ALL FOUR KIDS SLEEPING DECENTLY FOR THE LAST FEW WEEKS?

ALL FOUR KIDS ALLOWING ME TO SLEEP IN TILL 8AM ON THE REGULAR?

A REGULAR BEDTIME ROUTINE SET AND MOST OF THE LITTLES FOLLOWING IT (AKA IN BED FROM 8pm-8am)?

Must be daylight savings this weekend, which is the one sure fire way to guarantee a total destruction of all predictable things sleep.

I'll enjoy my last two quiet mornings while i can....

There are two types of moms who get stuff done when they have this many small children. The ones that wake up an hour or two before their kids and the ones that stay up till wayyyyy too late and then pray the kids sleep in. I am unabashedly the latter and I need to be the former. Starting tomorrow.

The twins at 6 months: 18lb12oz + 17lb3oz = just under 36 pounds of perfection!

PC: Breanna Douglass

halloween 2013

Two years ago this week, we were living in Massachusetts when I got a phone call from Drew, who was traveling per usual. I had been expecting it, anticipating it for a few weeks (ok, if I am completely honest, months!) but what he said completely blew me away.

He was getting promoted (that part I knew).
We were moving (our rental home had already been sold and we knew we had less than two months to move out).
We had a decision to make.

We could stay in Massachusetts or move to Ohio.

WHAT.

His company was giving him the same promotion (with the same pay) as manager regardless of where we chose to live. It was simply deciding whether we wanted to stay in New England (and have less travel, since he would be doing most of his travel within Massachusetts, but we were thinking of moving to one of the other New England states, since we were not terribly happy with our housing options around Massachusetts) or move to the midwest (and most certainly have more travel), specifically to central Ohio, where I was from and where my parents still lived.

Some background from around that time: I had six month old little a, 3 year old little d, we loved our church congregation and friends there, and I was just starting to settle into a groove of mommy and me preschool through the local high school and library playdates. We had been in our quaint little 200 year old rental home since the past December and we were ready for a change. Change to what we did not know. All I knew was that with having to be in a home by myself most of the week, I wanted to be sure that in our next home I felt safe--I hated having my babies in the downstairs bedroom while I was in the upstairs one (mostly I hated that we had to be on different levels of the house), we were in the middle of nowhere (literally, we barely knew our neighbors and had no sidewalks or parks nearby), and as much as we enjoyed living close to my in-laws, our only option if we stayed was to move farther away from them if we wanted anything crazy like heating that didn't cost us $500 a month or more than one bathroom. I kid you not. We were barely scraping by--- to go from living in Utah to living in Massachusetts was probably the biggest shock to the both of us financially speaking. I felt like I was looking into my future there in New England (which I LOVED! I really truly love and will always love New England) and it was a future of two kids (who would never get to go to preschool because we wouldn't be able to afford the tuition)...not that I didn't love my two kids but I knew in my heart of hearts that while I was currently happy, I wanted a bigger family and that was not going to happen in Massachusetts.

So Drew told me we had a few days to make the decision but in my mind, it was a no-brainer. We were going to Ohio.

Understandably, it took a little longer for Drew to come around. Ever since I met him at BYU (in Utah) he had mentioned he wanted to end up back in New England, specifically Massachusetts. We were back where he had always wanted to be, within half an hour of his parents and lets be honest, just about everything about New England when you visit it (including some amazing friends!) is beyond awesome. But the reality was that it was way more expensive than we ever imagined, and while being less than an hour drive from Boston was quite a perk, we rarely went into Boston except for occasional sporting events (which were definitely fun and wonderful since we usually got to spend it with Drew's parents, but we figured we would probably attend just as many sporting events/trips into Boston from when we would come back to visit as we would from living around there). And as much as we had enjoyed spending all our money on rentals, we were eager to buy a home and settle for a few years...

So Ohio it was. The Red Sox won the world Series on October 31, 2013 and less than a month later, the Dowling's moved to Ohio. (me and my Boston born baby A back in 2013!)

Coincidentally enough, we had already planned a trip to Ohio, so two weeks after that phone call and the accepted promotion to the Midwest (with most of the house already packed up), we flew out to visit my parents in Ohio and spent most of the time house hunting. Everything seemed to fall into place, but I was still wary: I had heard stories about women walking into a home and knowing "it was the one"... we had narrowed our online search of hundreds (!!!) of homes down to 10, spent a sunday afternoon driving ourselves to each location and had narrowed it down to three for our realtor to show us.

We walked into the first home and it was good, it was a good sized home with four bedrooms and a huge finished basement. Then we walked out into the backyard and...it was about 10 feet deep and the length of the house. NOT ideal for my baseball loving son...so in my mind, it was out. But Drew kept it as an option because of the actual house, which we both liked. The second house we walked into I just KNEW. I can't even put it into words. It was the perfect home, I loved the neighborhood (even though it was winter and there were no kids anywhere), It just felt RIGHT. Even though it was at the tippy top of our price range, and we always felt in our marriage that we were going to rent for a year or so to get a good feel for the area before we purchased anything, It had "only" a small partial unfinished basement and "only" 3 bedrooms but at just under 2000 square feet (and with 2.5 bathrooms!!) it felt like a little mansion to me. Within the week we had put in an offer, then a counter offer, and then we were spending our last thanksgiving with my inlaws and the next day when we packed up our lives as a family of 4 (plus kevs) and drove (yes, drove) the 12 hours in two days driving in a moving van towing one car and driving another car (with a preschooler, baby, and crying cat, guess who got to drive that awesome fun filled car?? haha!). We unloaded that truck into my parents garage, all our earthly possessions fitting into the space of a one car garage(!) and two weeks after that, on December 15, 2013, we got the keys and moved into our wonderful new home.

Thinking back to that day, that week in October, and that decision, we agreed before we made the official decision that we would have no regrets. We would not look back on what might have been.

I could not be more grateful for the guiding hand in that decision. For the inspiration that took us to this neighborhood, to this town, to this area and to these people that we are so very much in love with. How could we have known that a mere two years later our family of four would be six and we would be experiencing simultaneously so much craziness and happiness.

I can't say if staying in New England or choosing another town in Ohio would change the way I feel at this time in my life. But as I near 30, I am grateful for all the experiences I have had, especially the ones of the last decade, with my husband. Every decision and trial and good thing and bad has taken us to this point and I fully trust in the Lord to continue to guide us wherever He needs us to be and no matter where that is, we will find happiness and make it our home.

I guess what I AM saying is that as we near two years in my "dream home" with my four beautiful children and my terribly handsome husband who works so hard to finance all *this* and the last decade of my life (possibly the most important decade of my life?!)  is drawing to a close, so I am getting all sorts of emotional lately. And since the memories of that time two years ago are already fading, I wanted to be sure I recorded everything about that time because it was one of those crazy fork in the road decisions, one of the biggest for our family to date, that I never want to forget.

Carving pumpkins this year

One last pic from the trunk or treat on Saturday:

Little d went to a pumpkin patch with his kindergarten class a few weeks back and picked our medium sized pumpkins. Then my dad picked out two huge ones to carve for the big kids and two itty bitty ones "for the twinners" making a grand total of 6 pumpkins on our doorstep. I love it!!

To top it off, DK and my awesome parents came over and helped carve those pumpkins and they look adorable if I do say so myself.

Now onto a few hours of harvesting pumpkin seeds! I never buy them and o always forget to roast them before they soil. I am determined to make at least two flavor variations this year!!

Kicking off the hallo-weekend 2015

Kathryn got the boys these outfits earlier this year... And size 9-12 mo was too small!! So we finally found size 18-24 month of the same ones and they fit! Apparently Disney babies are supposed to be tall and skinny :/

Since my car was in the shop, we spent a lot of time outside. Little a took a Chilean scarf and turned it into a skirt

Lots of wagon time with my middle Littles. I cant believe how well Lan does in the wagon!!

Big boy! Six months and so sturdy!! (Must be those delicious thighs!!)

Little d got a lunch play date before school the other day

And his mom reciprocated by letting d&e come over to play for 5 hours! It was nice to get a break from my little d on his second day of no school and he LOVED more time with his BFFS.

Same friends from this trip to innis:

She looks sweet until she whispers to you that she's going to destroy your shoe with that little stick (!!) crazy girl. And I'm sure she has no idea what she's talking about...

The last few days the boys have been on opposite schedules In the daytime which is always lovely. I love the one on one time but also by 8pm I'm like I NEED TO BE ALONE!!!

Love those faces though!

More park play dates 

Drew went to parent teacher conferences then I decided we should go boot shopping and like a good husband he agreed. My two favorites that I am book marking till Black Friday ...

Went to book club Friday morning without having to read the book because after 48 hours with no pilot and therefore no gym time, I needed an outlet. Specifically one where I could just chat with friends and eat pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. (Thanks Amy!!)

That bike ride I mentioned... I love the bike trails around here and can't wait to take better advantage of them when I can run more than 1 mile again or just next summer when the twinners can go in the trailer!!

I love that even though they sleep in separate cribs, I can sit them up like this with some toys while I get siblings and myself ready for the day 

And they are so happy!!! No fighting yet!

Saturday was busy... Meeting with friends for two rounds of Halloween parties

Yes I did have a costume and only two people were able to correctly identify me, and one was a five year old boy, an old friend of little d's. Nickelodeons April o Neil. Google it. I bought the shirt and had everything else.

We will get the hang of pictures someday right?!

Classy.

Walking home...

Less photos for round 2 since we were late and it started raining!

Twinners were exhausted!

I guess that's what happens when you get no naps or candy.

Ahem....

Gosh I love you ohio. Even with your rainy halloweens.

Priceless. What I saw when I went to get him out of the car:

Kevin has no loyalties to the Pilot. He just loves snuggling with cars.  I doubt I'll ever understand it.

A busy busy last couple of days... Grateful to my dad for letting me borrow his car and hopefully I'll have mine back within the week. Just getting this fixed from a little fender bender last Sunday:

And the other car:

Needless to say, I had a lot more damage. It's a long story but it was both our faults so we each took care of our own cars. Lesson learned: always check your blind spot. 

And for those of you curious as to my "other accident" this week:

My capris sustained the most damage, aside from my knee. My left knee took the brunt of all my weight when I landed and is more swollen than anything else, makings it hard to bend. Or go up or down stairs... Hopefully it goes away soon.

Such a full and fun weekend! And now I have to go hide all the candy my kids have been eating all day so we can give them out to kids next Saturday ;) I am so over the sugar fueled tantrums!! Candies are for mommies to use as a bribe, not for meals!!