Great Expectations

I was in a pretty foul funk a few days before my family and I got wind of some virus/cold for a week and even after it was gone my funk lingered. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until I finally went into some deep soul searching and realized why I was having a hard time putting things back into place, so to speak.

I had big expectations coming to Utah. Maybe I have talked about them before? I mean, I knew going to MA we would be close to inlaws and go to some sporting events but I didn't have any big expectations about the ward or neighbors, and when we moved to OH, well, honestly we didn't even have a sidewalk in MA, only one neighbor we ever spoke to since everyone was so spread out, our house we were renting was about 200 years old so our expectations, while they felt Great, were actually easily exceeded. Remember how excited I was for central air conditioning? A bathroom upstairs? A yard that wasn't a load of rocks? A main level foundation that wasn't slowly sinking towards the lake? Yeah, we had all those issues and plenty more (hello, cost of living!) in MA, and as beautiful as New England was, we were thrilled to move to Ohio and then we had these amazing neighbors... well, the rest is history. Great Expectations Greatly Exceeded would be the title of our book we would write about living in Ohio for those incredible 3.5 years.

Then coming here to Utah, we had big dreams. Extended family, friends we have had for over a decade, those were things that excited us about coming back to Utah. It really wasn't fair, to expect to be gone for 6 years and then waltz into people's lives without skipping a beat like no time had passed at all. And with some people, it was that way, we got along just as well as we did before we even had kids. But it is one thing to visit Utah and quite another to be living here. Because the novelty of visits soon wears off and then you're left with what comes easy, and with everyone's busy lives (myself included), that boils down to neighbors (which we are still in the process of accumulating) and even then, people are still busy and have kids and activities. To top it off, we were anticipating a walk to school (that property for the school will not be built on for a number of years), walk to church (we are in the land of church buildings on every corner...and somehow we manage to move to probably the only city in the whole state of Utah that only has one church building (which we are not in the area to meet there) so we have to go to a different city 14 minutes away (which is how far we were in Ohio, BTW) to get to church. Then we have to use facilities like a rec center, library, etc in different cities (and pay extra) because our city doesn't have any of those facilities as of yet. When we picked this neighborhood and saw the sizes of the houses around us we were thrilled, we assumed (wrongly) that there would be a lot of bigger families with older kids, especially little d's age. The majority of our neighbors have kids the ages of the twins and little A, and a good amount are having babies this year into early next. I mentioned painting the babies' bedroom wall superhero themed (since they destroy everything I hang in their room and I am disliking all the white walls), and Drew brushed it off because he said we would just have to paint over it when we moved. Until the day we found out we would be moving to Utah, I spent every day as if we would be living there forever, even though I knew in the back of my mind that that house was not going to be the forever house, and it bothered me SO much to have Drew say that about our Utah house when we have been here not even six months. All of this has been an adjustment of my (our) expectations. I was hoping this was the last move I would ever have to do because the last one was so awful and I felt like I put EVERYTHING into the research and decorating and investing my soul into this house and our neighborhood, and what if it was all in vain because we would be moving in a few short years?!

But as I looked over all these things in my mind, I tried my best to be grateful, it was too easy to be filled with regret of leaving our home in Ohio. We felt in our hearts that this move to Utah was the right choice. I don't know if I will ever be able to feel like a home we are in is going to be our "forever" house. Regardless, I recommitted myself to living my life in such a way that I would have no regrets. I love my ward and my neighbors and my friends. I will not dictate my life to ebb and flow according to the situations that surround me, only I am in control of how I feel and I choose happiness. I choose to refuse to longingly look back into the past that I cannot change or into the future I cannot control. I choose to live in the present. And with that choice, I felt the power of my life creep back in, my desire to do something increased and I no longer felt that ache that had been haunting me since May. I had a good life in Ohio, and I continue to have a good life here in Utah, regardless of how long we end up being here. I am grateful for challenges in my life because they always teach me something that I need to learn.

And for the moment I am grateful for napping twinners (who as of yesterday finally broke the 530 am curse!), two amazing boys playing with little d and a playdate for little A and some time to collect the thoughts I have been stewing with for a few days now.

The Halloweekend 2017 (also the longest Saturday of my life!)

Today started off easy enough... Drew and I took the kids with us to take a class at the gym together (threw them in the car with waffles to drop them off at the childwatch while we worked out) this morning. Then we went to little d's basketball game. And from there grabbed lunch on the way to a friend's birthday party. Then I ran errands with the twins after dropping Drew off at home with the big kids. After my errands I swung by a couple of Halloween costume stores, toying with the idea for a moment of buying some costumes for the halloween stuff we would be doing tonight before I ultimately decided I hated all the costumes in those sorts of stores and recommitting myself to DIYing a costume next year. Then home for a shower, threw together some sort of dinner (mac n cheese because it was easy and I was tired), then we headed off to the Rec Center for an epic Halloween Carnival (which had trick or treating and pics and games with all their favorite characters, also it was FREE) and then to pop into Chris' for Blake and Natalie's Halloween party. We were all basically out of the house from about 730am-9pm today and boy were we feeling it. Everyone was cranky and crying and losing it and I don't think I will ever pack that much into a day again. I have a headache, Lan is sick, and I think I am starting to get whatever he has. Regardless. It had some good moments and overall we had a good time, I think? I'm really too tired to know for sure. Pictures are not in order, but...enjoy!

 personal favorite:

Lo was super in awe of spiderman but wandered off for this pic...

Last weekend: Bridal Veil Falls, Days Market Donuts, and the first of many Thanksgiving Point Trips!

we hiked to the top (not my favorite, too steep and scary with the babies!) and then played at the bottom (my favorite part!), which made the kids so happy. Rock and water? That's all my kids need.

 showing off their precious rocks

 the dad of the friends we went with climbed up the actual falls (as opposed to the trail) and helped little d and his friend make it up there. so brave!

 (close up of the above pic is below)

 and the twins found some cute younger twinners to play with (Lo was not having it for whatever reason)

 and then we had him join the ring around the rosy game and he falls! Poor kid!

 at least Lan was happy! He loved those ladies!

 The mom of the boys we hung out with works at the Bakery at Days so we stopped in for a visit

 Donuts and Chocolate milk is what saturdays are made of right?

 ...drink drank drunk littlest Lo! He even prayed on the way home. Ha!

PBJ "why so serious" look a little later that day

 Not to be outdone... CHEZ!

 and then we spent a few hours at Thanksgiving Point's Curiosity Museum we have heard so much about... basically the COSI of the Utah area. Best water place I have been to!

again, another exhausting day (for me at least!) where I expected the kids to take super long naps or sleep in or something! But no... nothing has worked in my favor that way yet. Hopefully to come!

Utah-dventure from last weekend: hike to the hot springs!