[4 kids in 5] four year postpartum thoughts on DR and motivation and FAILURE

If you are looking for a twins birthday recap here they are just after birth, 
one year old,  Lo. Lan.
two years old, Lo. Lan.
three years old. Lo.  Lan.

The rest of this is about me, postpartum. If I can even call it that (it just seems so far away?)

This was a year postpartum.

It's a funny thing being 4 years postpartum with the twins tomorrow.

I am still working out an average of 5 days a week.

I still have diastasis, but it is steadily improving.

It is nonexistent below my belly button (where it was not too much of an issue after the first year anyway) which is great and means that part is mostly healed. Above is still a 2 finger gap, which is a miracle considering what I started out looking like (like this and also like a bowl of distorted jello). I truly believe for too long that my abs would never work their way back to each other.

I want to be honest because I have been lacking in motivation to blog lately. I have been lacking motivation in a lot of aspects of my life. Sure, I get little bursts here and there, but on the whole it has been difficult. This post is one that I have been dreading posting about for awhile.

I weigh more now than I did postpartum with any of my kids. Even the twins.

A few pounds stayed on right before the move to utah, then I gained a good 10 pounds with the stress of that move, lost some of it and regained another 10 or so in the move to Indiana. All while still working out and being active the entire time. I went through half a dozen whole30s but never quite felt good enough about it to keep going eating that way because it is SO different from the way my family eats.

I got discouraged.

When I lost weight and bloat from being on the whole30, I still looked "bad". I resigned myself to thinking I would only look good when I got surgery and had to "settle" for the way I look until then.

Every meal I would make my family, regardless of its contents, was spurned. I have a husband who (bless his heart) has a limited array of vegetables he will tolerate and my kids enjoy only a fraction of that array. There's a LOT of veggie eating on whole30. That being said, some nights even making mac n cheese my kids would reject for random reasons.

I got more discouraged.

I learned about intuitive eating and tried that for a hot minute, before realizing I was not truly connected enough to my body to do it properly. Enter more discouragement.

Long story short, I feel so far behind on that journey back to my body that feels "normal". I was watching the new Netflix Beyonce Documentary and she spoke about how after she had her twins she had a hard time finding her groove, feeling like a part of her body again, I still feel so much disconnect and shame from that disconnect when it was such a relatively quick turnaround with the first two pregnancies. I also feel shame and guilt about thinking it would always be easy for anyone, and not understanding why anyone would say it was so hard.

I am so tired. All the time. And if it is not the kind of tired that comes with kids who won't go to bed at night or wake up too early it is the tired that comes from every waking moment taking care of 2-4 very demanding children, the twins who are constantly making messes (today it was dumping out an entire two laundry baskets full of folded clean clothes all over the main floor, not to mention yesterday's leftover "take everything out of A's room and dump it at the bottom of the stairs to jump into.") which I know people are going to tell me to love and enjoy and aren't they so creative but mostly I am just so sick of picking up after their messes, not to mention all the emotional pull from each of the four kids demanding time and attention from my every waking minute... it's a lot. I confessed to Drew the other night that sometimes I fantasize about working full time so that I don't have to deal with THIS all day anymore. But the fact is, I would still be dealing with much of the same, it would just be even MORE intense because it would be crammed into a smaller space in time. So... I homeschool till they get sick of me? Drew would never let me and I am sure I would go nuts. Summers and weekends and holidays are plenty for me.

I just feel like going through this whole parenting thing, I knew what to expect out of the first 2 years---it would be terrible, sleepless nights, I would feel like a cow (in more ways than one), lots of crying, etc. But I had these (obviously wild) fantasies of hitting that 3 year mark and it bringing with it a sense of freedom... I could survive the say without a desperate nap!!! (that was a HUGE milestone with the twins to be sure!) I would have free time that I wasn't pumping nursing or changing diapers and babyproofing and I could just do whatever I wanted to do because life without babies would be easier AND THAT WAS A FANTASY LIE. I don't know how to describe how they are harder but they are! Which is obscene since I spent so much of those first two years wishing they would go faster. But they get so much more complicated after the prek years and I feel so lost sometimes trying to navigate things like diaper rashes (but obviously not from a diaper) for my 6 year old, temper tantrums from my 4 year old, things that there is a WEALTH of advice in the 0-2 year old bracket and then NOTHING. At least nothing useful. There are certainly plenty of moments in my day that I am so happy and loving being at home with my kids and the things we get to do together and I feel so lucky, I don't want to diminish that, but I feel like that is ALL I heard from moms of the 2+ crowd. And radio silence on the difficult parts, the emotional and psychological and all that... probably because after 2 years old kids branch out into so many different learning and love languages and disciplines and all that, and I will say pretty much nothing I have done parenting-wise has worked for any two of my children in the same way so I guess there is something to that radio silence.

I have been dreading going to bed since we moved here, every night, just like I did when the kids were babies. But instead of dreading being woken up, it is dreading having to groundhog day my routine of wakeup-change kids clothes-get breakfast-make lunch-out the door to school-gym with twins-home with twins-big kids home-entertain 4 crying emotional rollercoasters who want to EAT ALL THE SNACKS BECAUSE NO ONE ATE THEIR LUNCHES till dinner-dinner-bedtime routine-bed. I know I need to make a change not just in that aspect of my life, but in a couple other parts (like the intentional self-care).

Please do not mistake this as a cry for help (it's not) or depression (it's not) or a need for a vacation (I don't want one right now). This is just me trying to piece together the handful of failures I have been feeling the last little while because that is the best way for me to make sense of it and reflect on it.

FAILING SPECTACULARLY.
That is how I would sum up 2019 so far.

But I am not ashamed of it. I fail every day and every day I keep trying. I am someone who has been fit and in really good shape for the majority of my adult life and I have hit a pretty low blow on that front, not that I am in bad shape, but that I don't look like I am in good shape. I have been legitimately  consistently ashamed of my body for the majority of the last 3 years. I gave myself a grace period for the first year (thankfully, for my mental health!) and then I got real critical, fast.

Thankfully, about a month ago I read Girl, Stop Apologizing. It was mind blowing, more so than Girl, Wash your face. After the first book I attempted a morning routine and a running gratitude list. After the second book (my morning routine has been shot as of late) I started writing down my dreams. The hard part was writing them down and not believing them. Not believing that my body was beautiful and strong. Not believing that I could really be a financial rockstar. But something is happening, slowly but surely, and I am starting to believe. I do love my body, all 20 extra (technically no longer) postpartum pounds of it, almost all belly. I hate writing that last part but it's my truth. The thing I was so afraid of happening to me, staying "all belly" after having kids, it happened. I am trying not to live in the past and compare my post baby self to my prebaby self but I have a 35 inch waist, if you can call it that. This was right before we moved in January, and aside from the spots dissapearing, not much has changed.

I don't have it all figured out but this morning something occurred to me while I was writing my goals is that the one that has been lacking is "I am a daughter of God." One of the most basic truths that have been lacking in my goals and affirmations since I started and I cannot believe I missed it. I included things about being connected to God, making time for things of a more spiritual nature, etc. But that small key was what I have been missing.

"True self care is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from"
 I have had that quote on my computer for months but that is also something I have been failing at. I hide in my room, in my phone, in my pantry, in my car, in the locker room of the gym.

I have a beautiful life that I simply need to adjust my expectations for. That this is not the quiet time for glorious free time for sketching and researching and reading books I want to read. This is the time for me to be present and building memories with my kids and in my life because this season will be over soon.
As an abstainer, it always seems like it needs to be all or nothing. Either I give 100% of myself to my kids or to my own self-care. It is really hard for me to split that because it feels so much like finding that balance is harder than the all or nothing, because it is. Because the percentages are always changing, and all the balls being juggled will not all be where they are supposed to be all the time. And sometimes that just needs to be okay.

Failing over and over again just means I keep changing up my approach, my gameplan. While I am discouraged for a moment (some moments longer than others), ultimately I have been blessed and guided to pick myself back up and keep going, keep trying. Much like teaching, much like being an artist, it's all the same. We are all failing, some of us more obviously than others. And I just want to share that in this space to hold that space for anyone who feels that way--to know that it is normal and it will pass. And I am right here, failing regularly alongside my kids and Drew (just kidding, he's perfect and never fails at anything) because that is part of the plan.

I am choosing to let faith overcome fear of failure, because the worst thing I could do is stop trying. It may take me a couple more failures before I am able to "find" the body I am truly comfortable with, but until then I am deciding to still love it and be proud of all it has done, especially in the last 9 years. Time to be braver then yesterday, pull myself up by the bootstraps with a plan and get to work.

reflecting on my 3rd whole30 and some diastasis recti frustrations (nearly 3 years later and I'm still as "all belly" as I ever was while pregnant)

So about that Whole30.... it was perfect. It felt easy most days with a couple of friends doing it alongside me and these yummy Fast and Easy recipes I was loving. A perfect 35-ish days of Whole30 eating and honestly I felt so good and I was in such a GOOD funk I didn't even realize it... until I fell off the Whole30 train hard on Superbowl weekend and realized how tired, swollen and gross I felt when I got OFF Whole30.

So most of Feburary I have spent struggling to find motivation for much of anything. I didn't want to blog about Whole30, I didn't want to wake up early or go to bed at a decent hour, I didn't feel like reading any of the half dozen books I am working on, I had no motivation to paint or draw or make meals anymore, I didn't even want to work out (which is an all time low for me!). I effectively hit a post-whole30 black hole and here's the issue: I LOVE the way I ate (the meals were SO GOOD!) and felt on Whole30. But my kids hated it (AKA every meal I made was met with disgust), my husband was supportive but relieved when I was done with it, and taking sugar out of everything is SO STINKING EXPENSIVE. ($8 bacon...as in, $8 for like 10 slices but it was made without sugar!! Madness!). I was really, REALLY hoping that doing a Whole30 would be the springboard I could use to put me on the path back to health I never fully found after having the twins.

I did lose a couple of pounds I needed to lose in January. I lost a little bit of body fat. But then I looked back on weight and measurements I had taken this time last year and I was THE SAME Literally. To the 1/10th of a pound and to the inch, exactly. Which was a hard hit. What was all this work and prepping and everything for if it wasn't making a difference? I had even been doing my Mutu workouts for a month solid, never missing a day, getting weekly PT massages to help my mess of a midsection and I still looked 5 months pregnant. I threw away all my heels. I got all zero-drop/minimalist shoes. I stopped running (because it was putting a lot of pressure on my DR). I varied my workouts, tried crossfit for 6 months (which made it worse), I changed my diet and I saw ZERO results. I am back to where I was a year ago, which was not a great place to be at. So where do I go from here? Am I seriously destined to live the rest of my life with people telling me how great I look to be pregnant with #5?? I have been doing the same MUTU workouts for 2.5 years and I still can't get past week 2 because my Gap won't close up smaller than a "2". I have read more articles and done more research on Diastasis Recti than I have for all papers I have ever written, combined, in both high school and college.

I still cannot believe the twins will be 3 years old in two months. I am happy and excited to be entering this new stage of life that doesn't involve baby things, where we are so close (with Lan at least!) to going without diapers, and can manage without naps if we need to. But I am terribly disappointed in my body and how far behind I feel in relation to the twins age. I work so hard in the gym, on the "proper" core exercises, and while I do not always eat perfectly, I did for a month and observed basically no change in my body (aside from an initial deflation of the bloating/pregnant looking belly).

I'm not looking for a pity party or a quick fix... I am just grateful I have this space where I can finally put down all the feelings that have been building up inside of me for years. Frustrated and disappointed when I have been trying to hard to be grateful and proud. But I will not stop working hard. I will not give up. This is only a small moment in time, and hopefully, God willing, I can look at this post in my newsfeed in a year or two or 5 and recognize and really appreciate the change that will have happened to my body. Because I haven't found the right fix for it yet. But I will.

I will.

Reflecting on life two years ago (2015) and Halloween Day.

I was reading back on this post from two years ago, and my heart just ACHED for 29 year old Ruth.  I would do anything to go back in time and give myself in 2015 a big hug (and obviously babysit for a night so 2015 me could get bigger than a 4 hour chunk of sleep!!). I would let my 2015 self cry it out (even though honestly I don't think I felt enough to cry back then, I was still in such power zombie mode) and then sit myself down and try to explain how it never gets easier. It is always going to be hard, but harder in different ways. 2015 I was completely exhausted physically all the time. I was playing mom literally 24-7 to four very needy kids who, in a lot of ways, had to have me entertaining them all the time when they were awake. It was a huge burden then, but it has been replaced with everyone playing with (and consequently fighting with) each other 24-7. It is management at it's finest but also modeling appropriate behavior and attempting to discipline (which I have nearly given up on, since my kids rarely listen to me when I try, and instead of resorting to screaming I just either move them into a room by themselves or I leave the situation and that grabs their attention, fast but otherwise, they think timeout is a joke, they think I am a joke when I tell them not to do something and usually I cannot get someone throwing a tantrum to stop so they inevitably tantrum it out until they exhaust themselves). It is trying to teach them how to do things that are good for them like eat healthy food and read scriptures without feeling like I am forcing them to do so.

Life with a 7 year old, 4.5 year old, and two 2.5 year olds is crazy, unpredictable and wonderful. I love that everyone can for the most part communicate and interact together in a way that means I can spend more than 20 minutes making dinner (or, as I did back in 2015, make dinner during naptime at like 2pm!) Sometimes I feel like I want to ignore my kids longer than I know I should because they are driving me nuts, but then I realize that they will all be in school within the next 3 years so I have plenty of work to do before then.

The twins love to wrestle and they play so well with each other. Usually when we have a friend over, Lo is the one to play with him and Lan ends up playing with little A. It is an interesting dynamic. (little d is usually off at a friend's house or obviously at school).

Life feels crazy and so very nonstop busy but I am grateful for weeks like this last week where I have been feeling under the weather and so have some of the kids so we have had to cut out a lot of things from our lives for a bit. I have had more time to think and play and connect with my kids but I know that I can still do better. I love the quote from Wall-E, the kids favorite movie, where the Captain of the ship says, "I don't want to SURVIVE, I want to LIVE!" As I explained what that meant to my kids, I realized that despite what this blog may show, a lot of my life the last 3 years has been survival, which I think carried over a bit longer than it needed to because of the move and also force of habit. I am trying to break that habit, to choose time with my kids over time spent at a screen, to choose to wake up earlier, to take advantage of usually my only "free" time during the day before everyone else wakes up to do whatever I want, but mostly to fill my cup so I have something to give these kids for 12+ hours a day. I am trying to be optimistic, and while I have struggled in the motivation department lately, I am going to go back to my motto I had when I first had the twins which was to wake up, get up, and show up. I want to be present with my kids and enjoy the last few years I have of having kids at home. I still cannot believe I have been able to be a SAHM for the last 6 years and I still have 3 years to go if I am lucky. I am grateful for that application for Dealersocket that Drew sent out 6 years ago, for DS's desire to take a chance on Drew, and then for the opportunities we have been given to literally live our dream... to live closer to both sides of the family while our kids were still so young and we needed a lot of help. And now to live here in Utah with so many opportunities to serve and be served. We really do live a blessed life and I am trying not to take any of it for granted. Also we had a good halloween! Watched Hocus Pocus which is now my kids new favorite Halloween movie (it was curious george or charlie brown before, but they love those "silly witches"!), trick or treated to all of the half dozen houses that housed people at home and chatted with the handful of neighbors we did see about how much is going to change this time next year. I am so excited. (maybe the splash pad will even be done by then, who knows?)

 Last year we got 8 pounds of candy...this year we made out with over 16!!! Crazy. Poor little d ate too much candy and threw some of it up last night. Hopefully he remembers and won't do it again!

 Creeper Kevs in his costume following us around for Trick or Treat. He was a good sport about the costume and of the half dozen I have put him in over the years this one was his favorite which means he actually moved around in it.

 and we got to visit auntie sarah for lunch! there's not too much more my kids could ask for for a holiday!

when it hits the fan

The last two weeks we had playdates and fun activities lined up because I was so afraid of the kids missing friends or family and wanted to keep them busy. Then today we had nothing other than some errands and....

It finally hit. Today was the day that the novelty of the new house and moving and all that jazz wore off and I REALLY missed my neighbors. My parents. My ward family. My crossfit family. My extended family. My sisters and brother. Our Ohio home. Westerville!!!

It was definitely a combination of a lot of things. Feeling trapped with my 4 kids from sunup to sundown. Not getting a shower. Not getting enough sleep. Spending 45 minutes on a breakfast that was just okay (that took too long so I had to save it for lunch) and then over an hour on a dinner half my kids wouldn't even touch. Drew working late. Drew reminding me he had to go out of town this month (yes I realize the irony of that since that was the number one reason why we moved out here in the first place). Not being able to properly clean my floors (even though I worked on them for half an hour!) to make them look good. Having to go to the post office to get my mail (and of course wait in a 30 minute line to do so). 5 miles away. The mosquitoes really are terrible. But not as bad as the dust storms from the piles of dirt everywhere. Finding out that since our town has no library or rec center or anything but houses and a movie theater for now, we have to PAY FOR A LIBRARY CARD. And the icing on the cake is of course that My kids WONT. STOP. FIGHTING (and if they are not fighting it's because they are too busy crying). ALL. THE TIME.

 Then I took a deep breath and started counting my blessings. only a few more weeks till we can put up the trampoline. Knock on wood we will finally sell our Ohio house Friday and not be paying two mortgages anymore. Friends. Cousins. Space. Dream kitchen. Kevin isn't lost anymore. Drew has a good job. I love my new crossfit gym (with a tiny but manageable childcare!).

and then of course my mom sends me this and it just makes my day. 

and I know tomorrow will be better.

and since we already ate the remaining ice cream in this house, I am off to go binge watch some of The Good Place.

a review of our 7 strollers in 7 years!! (3 singles and 4 doubles!)

Our stroller journey started off with a simple snap and go stroller to go along with the car seat for little d, mostly because I never understood the allure of stroller travel systems. I was not a fan of strollers to start off with, I felt like they were ALL too big and clunky and hard to maneuver. Except for the BOB... which happened to be so crazy expensive that even though we were both working, spending upwards of $400 on a baby stroller seemed... outrageous! I knew I would be recovering from my first baby and I figured by the time I started running it would be winter anyway. Long story short, we had that snap and go as our only stroller (and we loved it!) for the first 7 months of little d's life. Which is should be noted, I called our "frame stroller" for like a year because that's basically what it was... the outer frame of a stroller. And for the record, Kevs was not partial to the snap and go... he just loved sitting in all our strollers, basket or seats or footrests. Strollers are listed in order of when we got them. If you don't want to bother reading, *spoiler alert* my favorite (jogging and all around all purpose stroller) was the single BOB Revolution! <3 (and the city select for those with twins!)

Stroller #1: GRACO SNUGRIDER (snap and go stroller)

pros: 

-inexpensive, 

-easy one hand fold, 

-folds flat, 

-doesn't take up a lot of space, 

-HUGE storage basket, 

-adjustable handlebar, 

-a total workhorse (I always use my strollers as shopping carts!!), 

-lightweight.

cons: 

-one brake on each side, 

-can only use it till baby outgrows the carseat (or it gets too heavy in our case!), 

-not great maneuverability, 

-cheap tires, 

-cupholders not deep enough for my liking (they wouldn't hold bottles or sippies securely enough)

Overall: I'm glad we had it with one kid. And if your kids are far enough apart like ours were (2y9m) and you're not opting for a double, this stroller is awesome in its simplicity. We did LOTS of walks with this stroller and I would definitely recommend it for the first 6-9 months with a singleton.

Stroller #2 (and 3): BOB REVOLUTION 2010 and then BOB REVOLUTION SE 2011

Then on Valentine's day 2011 (so unfair since it was the day before Drew's birthday!) we rolled out to REI with all the birthday and christmas money and I got my beloved BOB revolution. If you look through the review of the 2010, you'll notice the only things (aside from price) that I complained about got fixed in the newer version. I ended up returning it back to REI at the end of the summer (did you know you can do that?!) because with no locking mechanism I was worried it would not survive our cross country flight. I repurchased the 2011 version once we moved to ohio (slightly more expensive but it had a locking mechanism, adjustable handlebar and better seatback, literally almost all the cons I complained about with the older version...AKA it was PERFECT!). Then I got pregnant for the second time and swore I would never get a double BOB. Little A was born and most of the time I would opt to carry her in the Ergo while pushing little d in the BOB, until she was about 5 months old then I just went ahead and put her in the BOB (so that S&G did not get as much use the second time around... and little did I know it would get no more use from us ever!)

*Pros: 

-Maneuverability (you have the option to lock the wheel or allow it to swivel but I never locked it unless I was putting it away), 

-relatively lightweight, 

-you can technically hold two kids for short periods of time (putting the larger child in the footrest, which we have done more than once!), 

-and by far the best running stroller on the market. Like I said, I used these strollers as shopping carts and for running errands and this stroller was not even that much wider than most other strollers. 

-It fit perfectly into the trunk of my toyota corolla. 

-Adjustable handlebar, 

-you could push it one-handed, 

-large canopy 

-lots of pockets, 

-5 point adjustable harness, 

-excellent back support for baby

-off roading!!!!

*Cons: PRICE. But that's it! It is a hefty pricetag, but if you are going to be running a lot, I would recommend it as your "one and only" stroller... over the years it will definitely be worth it! Any extras (cupholders, snack trays, car seat adapters) cost more which stinks because you are already paying a lot for the stroller. The only accessory I only ever got was the handlebar cupholder for myself.

I didn't get in as many running miles with little a in the BOB as I did little d (since most of my logged miles were from chasing after little d on his bike as opposed to training) and I spent more time in the gym and on the treadmill (but also moving more towards strength training as opposed to cardio as my workout), it was still my one and only. We did COSI, the zoo, grocery store, Boston, and just about everything inbetween with that bad boy. So the day I found out we were expecting twins was the day I realized that my dreams of riding off into the sunset with my youngest child and the BOB were shattered, replaced by... a double stroller? I know I swore against getting one but now that I actually didn't have a choice, I started in on my research and was devastated to see how little options I had for a stroller with two car seat attachments (none of which were the BOB!)

So after doing (ALL THE) research, I settled on the City Select which I was excited for fitting into my new Honda Pilot (a tight squeeze but it fit!). It was a hard choice because you pay for one seat (which costs a lot!) but then you also pay for the second seat and THEN the two car seat adapters (!!) not to mention we ended up getting cupholder/snack trays as well as the roller board for sister (that we never loved but both big kids were constantly fighting over that coveted spot!)... needless to say, it adds up fast. But have you TRIED to push a DOUBLE snap and go stroller? It was impossible to push and maneuver in the store, I cannot imagine with children in it out on sidewalks! The City select was a dream to push around (for a double stroller with two car seats!) and was the only way I made it out of the house so often those first six weeks.

Stroller #4: BABY JOGGER CITY SELECT

Pros: 

-5 point harness for the seats, which were super comfortable and could hold both twins when they were little but also my 5/6 year old comfortably.

-could hold two car seats

-many options for variations of car seats and especially the way to face the seats, 

-adjustable handlebar, 

-amazing maneuverability for a double

-big wheels made it over most surfaces similar to a BOB, 

-large underseat compartment could stow a LOT (and did stow a ton of groceries), plus you could access the compartment from any side because of the stretchy fabric.

Cons: 

-PRICE. If you haven't noticed a trend by now, some of the most amazing strollers are more expensive, and usually for a reason. That's not to say you couldn't get a good stroller at a cheaper cost, but for the most part you do get what you pay for. And plan on paying (at least) double when you are carrying more than one child. Also because you could load a lot on this stroller (two car seats with babies, toddler on roller board, stuff in basket and the backpack I usually had on the handlebar), 

-Instability. We had a couple of times where we overloaded the stroller that it tipped because we did not have the weights balanced.

-Length. It often stuck out much farther than I expected

-a lot of moving parts...for folding up and storage I had to take off both seats and then fold up the frame. once I got the snack trays which I could snap off, it was a LOT of parts to remember to take apart and put back together.

Overall: I would have kept and used this stroller for the rest of the time the twins needed to use it! I recommend it to all my friends with babies close in age or with twins because it was a seamless transition from car seats to regular seats. But I got greedy/antsy because I had that itch to run (and even though this brand is "baby jogger" they do not, in fact, recommend running with this stroller!) and I thought maybe if I could sell this whole thing I could afford the Duallie....

Stroller #5: MACLAREN TWIN TRIUMPH

This stroller is more of an honorable mention since I didn't actually purchase it. It was given to me while I was pregnant with the twins (I think they retail around $200). Despite the fact that the canopy was a disaster (and the bane of my existence), and I hated unbuckling those straps, once the twins were able to sit upright (6-8 months) it was the stroller that I kept in my car at all times for errands, and I saved the City Select for walks around the neighborhood or things like the zoo where they would be in the stroller an extended period of time (because the back support on the Maclaren was the WORST). I only used it for about a year (from the twins months 6-18ish) but I definitely formed a strong opinion on umbrella strollers from it.

Pros: 

-it could fit through most doorways easily, 

-folded small and quickly, 

-was lightweight.

-5 point harness

Cons:

-terrible back support

-canopy was difficult to keep in place (which could have been because it was a few years old, secondhand)

-WORST MANEUVERABILITY EVER. You had to have both hands on both handles which is just not my thing.

-too many wheels. I understand this is part of the double stroller thing, but too many wheels means too difficult to get around because they get stuck in the wrong direction which is a huge pet peeve of mine.

-those straps. I can feel my fingers bleeding just thinking about getting kids buckled and unbuckled. With my psoriasis, this was a HUGE dealbreaker for me.

Overall: This was the only umbrella stroller I ever used. And I finally "got" why people got umbrella strollers! They are quick and light and compact, but I am NOT a fan, probably because I need an all-purpose stroller, one that I can do everything with, and these umbrella strollers are just not that good for more than a few minutes. I would not tell anyone to buy a Maclaren.

So, as most of you well know, few months after the twins turned one I decided to get brave, sell all the parts of my City Select and use that money to buy a BOB Duallie. That was 10 months ago. I had some big dreams to race with the boys and spent most of the summer chasing after my two big kids on their bikes with this bad boy. We fell in love with the BOB all over again and even after I had some issues with my pelvic floor (that I kept trying to ignore because I wanted so badly to get back into running), I continued to enjoy using the BOB for walks.

Stroller #6: BOB REVOLUTION DUALLIE

Pros: 

-See same (okay, similar, just bigger) Pro's for the BOB Revolution

-rode like a dream

-fabulous maneuvering

-huge canopy

-big basket

-adjustable handlebars

-off roading!!!

-comfortable and adjustable 5 point harness

-easy one handed fold (for an enormous double jogger!) and snaps together.

Cons:

-PRICE.

-Bulk. I could fit it in the back of my car, but It was not easy. also it was heavy, the heaviest stroller I have had to date. Would I have kept it with a minivan where I wouldn't have had to lift it up so much? I guess we will never know.

Overall:  I would definitely recommend this to my running friends. It is worth every penny for a running stroller with twins or even two kids close in age. It is a wonderful stroller, just not "all purpose" for me when I am not even using it for running.

When I sold my Duallie yesterday, I knew exactly which stroller I was going to get next (I even priced my BOB accordingly!). I wanted to get the City Mini. I had tried the GT version with the twins at the store a few weeks before and loved the umbrella stroller-ish-ness of it, while still being supportive structurally enough that it felt like a substantial stroller (which made sense considering the price tag!). But when I actually tried the standard City Mini, I was grossly disappointed. The handlebar was awkward and the wheels were rumbling around even though I was on about as smooth of a surface as I was going to get. So I tried the GT again with the twins and liked it... but did I like it enough to pay $100 more than I was planning on paying for a stroller? Luckily for me, a couple next to me with two kids was also looking at strollers and they were investigating the sit and stands.

When I really thought about it, with these being our last kids, coupled with the fact that they were already almost 2 years old, so we would get at most 2 years use out of it, was it worth it to spend so much money on what I already knew was a nice stroller (just not one that I could justify spending so much when it was not a long term investment)?

And if I was perfectly honest with myself, Lan is really the only one left that NEEDS to be strapped into a stroller, my darling little runner boy. So I started trying out about a half dozen sit and stand strollers (roughly half the price I was planning on spending, so that was also a bonus). Which brought us to...

(disclaimer: we have only had this stroller two days)

Stroller #7: JOOVY CABOOSE ULTRALIGHT

Pros:

-lightweight for a double stroller

-can use with infant carrier (I would have probably gotten this one if the twins had only been one baby, so with two kids close in age)

-"sit" part can be pushed towards the second seat to give more room for the standing part

-generous sized snack tray (some of the ones we looked at were so small!)

-easy one handed fold and locking mechanism means it folds and fits in the back of my Pilot easily

-generous canopy can cover both kids from sun or rain

Cons:

-the handlebar takes some getting used to, it isn't super conducive for pushing forward heavy weight on the stroller, but I suppose time will tell.

-it moves similar to the snap and go (a harsh difference from the BOB!)

-hard to access bottom storage

Overall: After looking through a LOT of similar looking sit and stand style strollers, this one stuck out to me for the pro's I have listed, most of the others just did not do as well in my mind. I only liked one other stroller initially (that was more expensive) but it did NOT have a locking mechanism, which is crazy and a total deal breaker!

___________________________

It is hard to believe that 7 years after buying our first stroller, we are nearly done with strollers. If I had to pick one I loved more than all the others, it was the single BOB revolution, hands-down, even when we had two kids. But the twins were a gamechanger (and the reason why we needed to try out 4 different kinds of strollers in less than two years!) and I am grateful for the experience we had with each of our strollers. They each suited our needs for the time we had them, even with the time was relatively short. It feels good to be on our last stroller, especially as I think about how much I love and look forward to running, biking, and walking with my kids alongside me! My hope is that no one will ever have to go through as many strollers as we have (especially in such a relatively short period of time!) but hopefully one of these stroller reviews will help someone depending on what situation and phase of life they are in. I can certainly imagine 2018 being the year we say goodbye to our final stroller!

**All these opinions are my own, I was not compensated or sponsored to do this post, I just wanted to share my hundreds of hours of research so that other friends and family members can hopefully benefit!**

it's taken us a looooooong time to make it here.....

a really good place.

That's what I keep thinking every day I wake up and I pinch myself because with how hard the last two years have been, we are just starting to get to a really good place and I am loving it.

Yesterday we had an easier day at church because my parents came with us to help with child-wrangling. We came home, had lunch, babies went down for naps and the older two just went ahead and started working on a fort. I was able to read and relax for more than an hour (during the DAY!) and it was amazing! The big kids got along really well and when the babies woke up they were delightful and found ways to amuse themselves. Lo lately has been into this little quiet book and Lan has been taking all the small action figures and lining them up along the counter, floor, racetrack, etc. We even had friends come over to play and have dinner with us and everyone had MANNERS and the amount of food in mouths exceeded the amount on the floor and nobody fell off a chair! Miracles do happen.

Since the boys turned 18 months things went from hard to OMGTHISISCRAZYHARD, sort of like how it felt once they were crawling at around 9/10 months. It was hard to keep them safe and constantly keep an eye on them and again, we are finally making our way into the realm of "they're probably not going to die if I take 2 minutes to run to the bathroom" (phew!!!).

I know that we have grown and learned a lot with the difficulties of the last two years especially. But I am happy to enjoy this time of relative calm (although not entirely perfect! we still have fights and screaming and all that stuff, just wayyyy less than 6 months ago!) as long as it lasts because I know it will not last long and then we will be on to more crazy stuff I feel like I cannot handle but I will keep forging forward, counting my blessings and enjoying my time with my 4 little crazies.

And try not to think about having to get the house ready for photographing and showing (!!) in just over 6 weeks.

 Not to mention my new crossfit gym that I LOVE, the fact that Drew finally has a twice weekly basketball group to go to, and this crazy "four seasons in a week" weather I LOVE that only Ohio can give us... PLEASE don't make me think about moving anytime soon! We are in SUCH a good place on too many levels to count! Let's just say there are going to be a LOT of adjustments this coming summer!

back to the grind after a much needed "staycation"

My house feels like a daily version of "where's kevin" (instead of Waldo, obviously) or I Spy.... I literally can spend all day picking up toys from the floor and it still looks like this at the end of the day. It's outrageous. Don't my kids know how to pick up after themselves? Obviously not.

I actually managed to not really skip a beat with my workouts over winter break

 which was good because there was a whole lot of cannot be missed food going down in my house... cinnamon rolls by Drew, truffles by Anna... etc etc. Amazing and worth it (it always is when someone you love homemakes it, right?) but now to get back to eating like a normal, non-breastfeeding or pregnant or marathon training person. Which is actually pretty boring. But boring is not a terrible thing.

 With a slew of new christmas notebooks and coloring utensils (hooray for art major mommy to save the day with the stockings daddy forgot to fill till christmas eve!), Little A has a newfound love of "princess preschool" which involves her spelling her name and those of others she knows. She is getting better and it is nice to have words to accompany all those cute drawings!

 My cousin Liesen had a sweet little A of her own on Christmas eve, and we got to visit with her (sans twinners thanks to DK and my parents) for a bit when she was a week old. I kept reminding the big kids to be careful and are they sure they can hold a baby till little d kindly reminded me that they've been holding babies for the last two years, and for my little A, nearly half her life (!!) at this point. Whoops. Well, they were naturals and while they initially protested seeing this new babe, she was all they could talk about for the next day! So cute and so little and so sweet!

 Little d wanted a hundred million pictures of him and his little second cousin... he had to settle for 2!

 Sunday shenanigans... it was much easier to load up the car before they learned to spring like maniacs... Ergo-ing one while loading the other if I don't have someone else with me is now a necessity. Also, those poses by little d... classic!

 you mean that happy child? :)

 This past Sunday marked little A's first real foray into cooking with mom. We made corn chowder (that everyone hated but me because all the veggies!) but at least I have a good carrot peeling helper and no longer need to buy those gross baby carrots. So she peels and I chop! We are quite a good team.

 In her new apron, that we got to match Auntie Anna's... teaching her about kitchen safety with heat and how to properly use the egg timer that every kid in this house is now obsessed with (thanks, Cristin!)

 Both big kids tried their hand at snap circuits... it was a little set but it is super fun and simple enough that I could guide little A through it! We will be getting more of them later this year for sure.

 Because Drew had the day off work on Monday, I got to come over and baby sit my little "almost" niece, and gosh was she perfect. One little bird chirp to notify me she was awake and wanted to be held, she started eating her hands when she was hungry, ate like a champ (but not too fast!) and managed to fall asleep on me without first spitting up or blowing out. It was like the best parts of being a mom (but to a perfect, dream baby who rarely fusses, or didn't when I was there for 3 hours!)

 Definitely left the visit feeling like I was on cloud nine... it is definitely challenging to have a new baby, but I think after going through it a few times I am able to better enjoy it when I know I can come home to my crazy bunch for the rest of the day and get a full night's sleep at the end of it!

 Most people I know are babies people... they looooove babies. Me? I LOOOVE that toddler stage.. a few words to communicate, loads of kisses and hugs, lots of exploring and running around. It beats any baby stage by a longshot! (If only they could manage to get in less trouble....)

 two seconds into the above picture, Lan faceplanted in the cement. Don't know how he managed that. a few moments after the below picture they were both running their fingers along the wheels and I remembered why I didn't like the wagon compared to the stroller. Gah.

 How we look on the way to the gym each morning. Lan in back, Lo in front, A to the side and me carrying my gym duffel and purse/diaper bag (as in, my purse has diapers and wipes and a kids waterbottle in it at all times). No wonder people think I'm nuts.

 Both of these were the afternoon/evening of the last day before break... obviously my hands are full most days but that day was particularly rediculous. Especially meal prepping with Lan who obviously saw me sneaking some of Drew's chocolate chip cookies and was not happy about it (or his molars coming in!)

 Cristin is amazing (but anyone who has read my blog already knows that!) and got me the shirt on the left... when she told me JCP was having a sale I went ahead and got two more, including the one on the right (the other one says I AM ALWAYS RUNNING LATE... I am tempted to add BECAUSE BABIES). Love the length and the fit and how warm they are!

 We have made it almost all the way through the alphabet!! Then we will have to start over again because she still has trouble remembering how to write most letters. But I think we will work our way backwards this time (S for Stamp)

 This winter break has been a terrific renewal in too many ways to count. I was really concerned about my relationship with little d which was going downhill fast. We remedied that the last few weeks and I am hopeful that we will continue to build on what we have (and I will choose to be less critical about the things he doesn't do and more grateful for all the things he does!). I was able to do a lot of reading and sleeping and playing with the kids and reflecting on the last year and planning for the upcoming one and overall, it was exactly what I needed.

 And yes I got schooled in Bowling by my 6 year old but he had bumpers and I did not!

 Lucky mama!

Since Drew and I rarely use cash for anything (we get money back on our credit cards and it is easier to track spending) and I have been worried for awhile about little d's financial education (he recently requested a lego set that was $75 and said  It's not like it's THAT much money!), I took advantage of our date to relay some financial information to him. We talked about tithing, necessities, "special extras" (like this date), savings, education as it relates to money making, banking, credit cards, and making money. We covered a lot but it was a good conversation with lots of questions so I felt like he knew what was going on. He also complained to me that I never spend money on anything when we go out except for clothes and groceries and stuff like that and I let him know that was a compliment to me, because I wanted him to know that that sort of thing was what we needed  to be spending money on, so we could save for our next home and for emergencies "like the next time you have an accident with another car!" as he said (haha....facepalm). But yes.

Not going anywhere for break was one of the best things for our family this year. It was a low key couple of weeks, we all got our batteries recharged, and while parenting is not by any means easier than it was a few weeks ago, I am better managing it, along with some of our family resolutions (more on that later).