Little A had her first recital! And our vineyard Homie is in contract! Its been a crazy day!

This night mode on my phone is really impressive..not too shabby for 8pm outside!

Baby girl did amazing on her little Jazz Dance and loved everything about it! The costume was a rental so we only got the official pictures by herself and with her class, and this was the only one we got tonight! So grateful Sarah and N came to watch with us!

Backing up to last night, I stayed up wayyyy too late doing laundry and cleaning the house for a morning showing, which we were going ahead and doing even though we just had an offer Saturday night, because why not? I took the kids to breakfast so they wouldn't messy the house up and would you believe each of my kids ate an entire Einstein Bros bagel?! We have never gone out to breakfast because I don't like going out to eat anyways so this was such a treat! They cancelled the showing just after we took this picture (ha! on me!) but I still went back to the house and finished up my cleaning (vacuum and kids bathroom) while the kids tablet-ed in the car for 30 minutes before leaving for the gym and groceries because I have a reeeeeally hard time when I clean not getting everything cleaned up (which is why it's probably easier for me to just not clean at all!). I believe we had 2 open houses, 5 showings and if you add in the cleaning I did before the pictures were taken, I have cleaned my house like crazy 8 times in the last two weeks! Yes I feel like a crazy person but when we sent in our counter offer earlier today, I felt good about it... and they accepted it tonight!! (Mid concert of course but at least it was not in the middle of A's performance!)

(this was her costume for the show on picture day last week... so glad we got a lovely picture of her in this dress since I didn't get any good shots of her in it tonight!)

The craziest thing is that we got our offer Saturday December 15th, which was the day we moved into the Ohio house and a day that will forever be filled with warm fuzzies because of that. There is a tiny nagging voice that wants to remind me of what happened in our Ohio house (we fell out of contract when the buyers couldn't get the loan, and then had to borrow money from family to carry us inbetween home purchase and sale!), but then a much stronger voice that reminds that voice, so what? Everything worked out in the way it was supposed to, and everything worked out to our benefit. We sold our Ohio house in the end (and I think made a little more money than the first time we got into contract with it?) and got this amazing Utah house.

Little d showed me a memory box he was working on tonight. He told me he had collected things from every house he had ever lived in (that he remembered obviously) and wanted to make sure he could remember everything. There is something so powerful embedded in memories and art and while I was not able to explore that as much as I could have here, I hope to be able to draw from it more after we move. The twins are oblivious to what is going on, A is a mess about it, and D seems to be cautiously excited for the next phase... let's just hope we don't disappoint him in our home selection (his words: LOTS OF KIDS TO PLAY WITH PLEASE).

Everything about this has been Hard in some way. I don't deal appropriately with stress in these situations, and while there are things to stress about in this next phase for the next 45 days or so, I am going to make a conscious effort to let things go in the best possible way. With all of our moves it is hard not to think of Lehi (from the Book Of Mormon) and his family, wandering in the wilderness for years, knowing that the Lord wanted them to go to a Promised Land but they had no idea how they were going to get there or even where exactly it was. I feel a lot like Lehi with all these moves. I am sure he had the same desires in his heart, to settle down and raise his family properly and safely without the burden of traveling in the wilderness. But he never questioned the Lord in guiding him, never set a deadline for Him and then decided to abandon the plan if the deadline was not met. Drew and I both grew up in our same (respective) homes nearly our entire lives and we loved that stability and made that one of our highest priorities, which is why we moved out of Utah to Ohio, then Ohio to Massachusetts, then back to Ohio, and to Utah again only to head back to the midwest. "All these things shall be for thy experience and shall be for thy good."

We both came to Utah (from Massachusetts and Ohio) fresh out of high school, wanting to get a college degree at a University that would have a lot of people who held our same values.

We came out of Utah with two college degrees, an eternal companion, a cat, and our firstborn.

We left Utah for Ohio wanting to be closer to family.

In Ohio I had a part time job I had for a month, the only one I was ever fired from due to a misunderstanding, but a job that helped me realize I really wanted to be home with my babies if I could. We lived with my parents for almost 8 months, long enough for Drew to find a job that would move us to Massachusetts and then train for that job (traveling) for the better part of 4 months while I trained for my first marathon and spent a lot of quality time with my parents and DK.

We left Ohio for Massachusetts because that was where Drew's work sent him after he completed his travel-training. Drew and I both have a deep love for Massachusetts, but realized in the short year and 8 months we lived there (for 8 months living with his parents in their basement), that the cost of living coupled with the condition of homes (so charming and quaint but so old!) that were in our price range, did not make it the ideal place for our family. 

We left Massachusetts for Ohio on relocation, Drew mentioned that he was struggling with the lack of compensation for cost of living and we were open to the midwest. Ohio was a perfect fit for us. Except... Drew was still traveling a lot for his job. I am so grateful to have lived there during the time my sister came home from her mission and between her and DK and my parents (and the Wilsons!) were able to help me with the birth of the twins and everything that came with that challenge.

We left Ohio for Utah for a relocation and knew about it 8 months in advance of when we planned to move. Everyone knew about it and it was a difficult and slow and painful transition. Drew kept searching for jobs in Ohio but even after he got one (and only one) offer, we just didn't feel right about it--it would require possibly just as much travel as he had been through the last 6 years. So we moved to Utah because like all the other moves, it felt right. In that crazy week after we had moved out to Utah and were staying in temp housing because our house here was not done yet, Drew mentioned he did not think this move to Utah would be our last. Which is too bad because I swore off moving forever! I ADORED my house in Utah in a way I never thought I would love a car (but similar in a way to how much I adore having the twins or my Honda Pilot... it's hard to imagine life without them!). I got put into a calling my church that allowed me to get to know everyone in the neighborhood for awhile, which further entrenched my love of Vineyard and although the progress of growth was slow (for everything but the houses of course!), I loved being involved in my neighborhood and community and feeling like I was an integral part of it.

Then the bajillion interviews finally paid off and Drew got a job offer. A good one. And even though his company of 7 years, that he had been devoted and loyal to through the crazy travel and customers, contemplated offering us a chance to move back to Ohio, we felt good about the new job offer and crazily enough, about Louisville.

Yesterday one of the youth I worked with gave a little talk about the Unity the young women in our church have. That on any given Sunday you would walk in and see a roomful of smiles....except for the Sunday a few weeks ago when I told them we were putting the house on the market. That crushed me to my core. There have been times along the journey and the moves (so so many moves) that I have wondered if we were making the right choice or not. But never have I had so many doubts in my mind as I do with this move, not internally (when Drew and I made this decision together) but from outside forces, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Simply put, we have been here for only 18 months but we have thrown ourselves into this situation just like we have all the others. And when you are so very vulnerable and your heart is open it is impossible not to get hurt.

We have been in Utah for my sister's wedding, the last few months of life and the funeral of Granny and Grandpa Phil, we have been here to send my brother out on his mission, to be here for the baby blessing of our first nephew. We have lived close enough to Drew's brother and sister in law in Seattle to go visit twice, to take the whole family down to Arizona to visit Drew's mission, to visit Montana with much of Drew's family for a 4th of July vacation twice, we hiked the Y as a family twice (and went on a couple other hikes!), I was able to jet down to Dallas to visit with my nephew (and B&N obviously) and to get to know my brother in law McKay a little better than if we were living anywhere else. Our kids love to recognize and visit the temples around here, reconnect with old friends and extended family members, explore the campus were Drew and I grew into (sort of) adults, visit Sarah in her first full time job at the high school. I could go on but I don't think I need to...that we managed to pack a lifetime of Utah experiences into 18 months is kind of unbelievable. We did everything we intended to do (almost--never made it out to Hawaii or Disney Land) and so much more.

Now that chapter on our time in Utah will close on February 7, when we will move back to the Midwest for Drew to start (or I guess continue, since he was there two weeks ago and is there now) working in Louisville, and for our family to settle in to living just across the river in Southern Indiana. I feel like I could have written an entire post about the entire process I had with (and without) Drew going there two weeks ago to figure out were we needed to go, but to be honest it was so draining and emotional it was hard to find words. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was led to the right (and wrong!) houses to search, that I was able with the influence of the Spirit of God (and a whole lot of research and hard work on my part!!) to narrow down the state, and then the region, and then the town, the school district and ultimately the neighborhood that Drew and I needed to be. We are currently navigating our way through deciding between 7 houses, each of which we would be so blessed to have. Lots of prayers and questions and pleadings have led to this moment in time, and even when my #1 choice (that had been on the market 100 days when I had a showing!!!) got taken off the market right when we got back from our visit and before we were ready to make an offer, I made the conscious decision to choose Faith. Faith that God in his infinite wisdom, would (just as he had in Ohio and Utah) guide us to the "perfect" place for our family to live. It is this Faith that helps dispel my concerns for my kids--how they will like this new house compared to our Utah house, how they will adjust to the move mid school year, how they will find new friends, etc. It is this Faith that led me to a tiny town to a tiny primary school where I was able to sit with the principal and hear her tell me that every morning during announcements, she would always remind the children how she loved each one of them. This is a public school, but certainly not just an ordinary one. If the first half of my week in Louisville was defined by crushing disappointment and devastation in indecision, the second half could certainly be characterized as the complete opposite--of hope, excitement even, and even more Faith that in raising my children they would not be scarred by living in three homes in three different states in three years, rather, this would also be for their experience as well as ours (Drew and me).

The next month or two will not be easy. And as I so vividly still remember from the difficult first six months living here in Utah, 2019 will not be easy. But we can do hard things. And if our family has learned anything more poignantly the last two years it is that we can make the best situation out of just about anything with Faith and Hope (and a lot of patience... I will be needing a LOT of patience this next year!).

Selling our Vineyard Utah HOMIE

It is hard to believe it was just over three months ago (August 24th to be exact! Which is approximately around the time that I lost my motivation to blog... it was too hard not to mention what we were working towards!) that we accepted Drew's new job and with it the potential to move to Louisville, Kentucky. While we have loved our time in Utah and being here to meet most of our wonderful neighbors as they moved into our growing neighborhood, being a part of a couple ward rearrangements and one stake boundary change. We loved being here for Sarah and McKay's wedding, the last couple of months of Granny's life and her funeral, Grandpa Phil's funeral, and Baby G's blessing, not to mention two amazing Dowling family trips to Montana for the 4th of July, and a visit down to Arizona to show the kids where Drew served his mission, none of which would have been possible if we had lived anywhere else. After our move out of Ohio where we told everyone about 7 months in advance and had to deal with the repercussions of said information (which made the whole thing that much harder on our kids and that much more surreal for me, which is why I didn't cry about it till a few weeks after we had moved to Utah), Drew and I resolved to tell basically no one about moving if and when we had to move again, until our house was basically on the market. Aside from our parents and siblings, everyone else (including little d) only found out just over a week ago. We don't know how long we will have to wait for our house to sell but we feel so good about all the work we have put into keeping our house put together, and of course cleaning it for over 40 hours the last couple of days. I hope there is not a next time but if there is, we will be hiring a housecleaner!! (hopefully that's enough incentive to never move again! This will now be our 12th move in 12.5 years of marriage...and I am done feeling like a nomad!)

We feel we have crammed so much into such a short period of time that to look back and see that we have "only" been here 18 months doesn't seem to do justice how long we feel like we have lived here. I feel entrenched and invested in our community, I adore our neighbors and church (especially the young women and leaders I work with!), the kid's new charter school, and ultimately feel like the last thing I want to do right now is move. Which is exactly how I felt when we moved out of Ohio and a few moves before that when we moved out of Pleasant Grove.

But the Lord has other plans for our family and I feel that while we are in a place of peace and comfort that sometimes that's not what our family needs. "I'll go where you want me to go" is the phrase that has rung in my head the last few weeks especially. Having growing up in the same home our entire lives growing up, we have always wanted that for our kids, and while we don't fully understand why that has not been in the cards for us until this point, we feel so good about our decision. 

Right before we moved into our house (When we were staying in temporary housing), I felt like this house was not going to be ours for very long (WHAT?! NOOOO!). I shrugged off the feeling and tried to ignore it but it only grew stronger, probably because of something a wise church leader (and friend of my dad) told me before we left Ohio. He told me he was devastated that we were moving to Utah because Utah has so many strong members of the church they don't even need, but outside of Utah there is so much need for good members of the church. I knew he was right but selfishly I thought, I don't want to have to work so hard! I want visiting teaching to be easy! Church to be right down the street! I want to be able to have my kids go to the same school with the kids they go to church with and to grow up surrounded by temples and chapels! And it has been a nice break... living in Utah has its challenges but mostly it has felt cushy, easy even. It is not hard to live gospel standards and get someone to babysit for your kids to go to the temple, not have to explain your beliefs...the list goes on and on. But Drew and I are ready to go back out into the "real world" outside of this beautiful amazing Land of Promise. Utah will always have a special place in our hearts and we hope to someday come back to visit as our kids go out to school here if they choose to do so, if for no other reason than to have an excuse to visit family and friends.

We are selling our home through Homie, which we would sort of but not really joke about doing every time we drove by one of their billboards, for Drew because it meant we could keep more of the money, and for me because it meant I could learn more about the process of selling a home. I spent a lot of the last two months working on home repairs, covering and repainting holes, and CLEANING (soooo much Netflix for our kids the last week! But they did get a break when Sarah and McKay took them out for a few glorious hours on Saturday!)

 It should be noted that baby wipes were my best friend (I think I went through 4 huge packages of them... SOOO MANY HANDPRINTS!) because everything about 3 feet up and below was just gross. But I LOVE the paint on this house because just about all of it wiped off easily without much effort. We only had to magic eraser in the twins room and A's room.

 I am so glad I found that rug <3

 SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN CLEAN

 I am going to miss this island so so much. I don't know if we will ever find such an amazingly long, granite covered gem like this again.

 still my favorite view of the kitchen (and has been since I got Drew that set of paintings for his first father's day here!). I was telling a friend the other day that the best part about my home is that for the first time in all our moves (probably because there were no existing holes to cover when we moved in!) I didn't feel the need to immediately decorate the house... I felt the draw to curate it. As in, every piece of furniture and decor in my house was hand selected by me in a way that Marie Kondo would be proud of. Not to mention we have done the most amount of decluttering before we moved here and then in the last few months leading up to this move.

 paintings made by yours truly... also crazy to think that our mudroom furniture was our playroom furniture in the Ohio house!

 I'm sad they didn't get a shot of A's beautiful bedroom decor behind her bed but they did get her view of timp which will always be a sweet reminder of Granny's love for the snow on the mountains!

 The twins room only ever this clean for pictures

 D's room is still my favorite kid's room, and I will always remember it as the easiest to put together!

 The funniest part about our master is we are still using the FULL SIZE comforter I bought when I was pregnant with little D on our CALI KING bed! I have just never found a fake down comforter at as good a deal as the one we have that I love just as much!

 after taking this picture the photog asked me if I wanted a picture of just the toilet???

 our closet that I ALSO Kondo'd in such a way that we no longer needed a dresser!! Love Love love simplifying my life, also getting rid of that dresser that would slowly start opening drawers every time the train went by...

 Our sink, Kevin's sink/bed. I think we realized two sinks are essential in this house since Kevin really adores sleeping in them, funny guy.

 I will NOT miss utah's hard water. THIS SHOWER WAS SO YELLOW ORANGE!!!! I had to do SO much scrubbing to get it this white. And destroyed a Scrub Daddy and used a whole container of bathroom cleaner!

 I'm exhausted just looking through these pictures all over again. Fingers crossed it sells quickly and we can feel better about buying a house back East in the next few weeks. We totally lucked into finding this house, just like the Ohio house and all our other homes before, mostly thanks to Drew's sleuthing/researching skills, which I am hoping the lucky/inspired streak continues to our next home too. We are so blessed at a time when I feel very aware that we are lucky to even have a home.

breaking into autumn

These are all out of order and its so late I am just going to try not to care. The first few weeks of autumn as defined by "kids in school" not cool weather, since its blazing hot every day out here.

Twinners started prek soccer today!!

 "We are the green geckos!" say the boys. Both excelled at running around with the ball and show natural Dowling-sports genes!

 We went to a baptism today and it was probably the first time I noticed what a good attentive listener Lo is. He really truly listens to what people tell him and that is probably why he is so smart, I am sure he also retains a lot of what he hears. something that I am sure will bless his life immensely. I loved hearing the talk about baptism and seeing Lo responding by nodding or verbally acknowledging what was being said. Smartie pants! Little D did a great job keeping him occupied and playing with him when he did get bored.

 We went to the BYU football game tonight with our neighbors while another set of neighbors watched the kids.... we are VERY lucky!

 Lo has been collecting weeds on our walks and so he cheesed it up for me and requested a pic. Also they are replacing sidewalks all over our neighborhood so walks are a lot more difficult.

 Lan: "TAKE PICTURES OF ME AND MY LEGOS!"

 ^^ this needs the hashtag #alldayerrday^^

 and the beautiful keely was the reason we were in SLC for a baptism for her little guy... I love her so much and love how our kids have basically grown up together the last 8 years. And us the last 14!

the first of the month I took these lovely young ladies to the temple to do some family history work. It was early but these ladies had a great attitude

 It was a beautiful morning when we finished,

 so I felt like we needed to treat ourselves to some Kneaders! First time I have had that chunky french toast in a really long time (this was inbetween whole30s). and to be honest? Not really as good as I was hoping. 

 Pandas and Frogs for this little one last week on behalf of her brothers per her request...

 I hiked the Y by myself earlier this week, walked with a few sprints, and then ran the whole way down (not a great idea I will be repeating anytime soon but I hate going downhill and it was faster that way)

 Little A and I discovered BOB books (she loves being able to read to the boys herself!)

 ^^THIS from the coolest big kid I know^^

 Going hard with playing and prek (without set naps, but still waking up before 7am) means a lot of crashing on the couch in the afternoon!

 ^^from the baptism this morning...Keely has the most lovely backyard for entertaining! SO many trees and lots of beautiful plants!

 and Lan has been taking lots of pics on my phone....

 The kids helping me clean the chairs after the first day of school...

 How our living room currently looks: ....we just got that chair, and it is the most coveted spot in the house.

 ergo, Kevs hops in there any chance he gets!!!

 Moana hair for school last week

 and some fun pics from our last picnic at the Draper temple (close to Drew's former work)

 and... I have finally made progress on our bedroom!!! I found a painting I am in love with, and I finally put our mattress off the floor. Now to figure out a headboard so I can put up my painting and "finish" the Master!