Fair warning: this is a post dedicated primarily to my post baby belly. With pictures.
One year ago today (April 23), I looked down at my middle, took a selfie and
totally freaked out.
There are no babies or placentas in there... So what the heck was causing those crazy lumps?!?!
I asked multiple nurses and they all had the same answer:
Your intestines. And your abdominal muscles (or what's left of them).
EX-QUEEZE ME?!?!
It felt like some sort of a joke. Sure I had had twin babies 3 days before but I was expecting a rounded bloated pregnant looking belly and THIS DID NOT LOOK REMOTELY NORMAL!!
To say I was in complete shock was the understatement of the century. So here I am in all my postpartum glory, 8 days after the twins were born, complete with surgical tape I was still or brave enough to remove (in case those crazy intestines fell out duh!), and of course my bruised veins:
I was crazy itchy all over my midsection for a solid couple of weeks after I gave birth, had some crazy belly overhang and NO CORE MUSCLES WHATSOEVER.
Thankfully because of the crazy looking first picture (and that's exactly how my belly looked for MONTHS when I would lay down), I quickly realized (with no help from my ob) that I had some severe abdominal separation, or diastasis recti. I did loads of research on it and finally settled on a program called mutu system, $100 for some nutrition advice, gentle core exercises, a workout plan and workout tips and videos. Easily the best money I've ever spent on myself, especially since there were other things wrong as well (which I will candidly talk about... If you know me in real life. But it's pretty traumatic and plays a huge part into why I decided we are done with four kids). I learned to measure my abdominal "gap", where I could fit an entire hand in the cavity of my abdomen, I still shudder when I think about how deep and wide I could feel pressing into my belly button and how horrible it made me feel. I thought I would never recover from that.
3 months postpartum (laying down): no more lumps!!! Just one giant dome and soooo much extra super itchy skin
And here I am at one year postpartum:
Theres not a huge difference other than color in these two pictures but I just wanted to remember that the biggest difference between these two pictures (and the 9 months inbetween) is that while my weight stayed virtually the same and while I felt like I looked basically the same in the mirror, I have restored MUCH more core strength in just the last few months. My gap is only a 2.5-3 finger gap and I can no longer push my hand to nearly touch my spine through my belly button (thank goodness!)
My belly is still a bit lumpy when I use my core since it is not 100% healed yet, I still cannot do proper sit-ups or planks because that connective tissue is still not recovered. I use words like recovered because I essentially put my middle through the ringer with 3 pregnancies in 5 years and never completely allowing them to heal, which is why i am treating this like I would any injury, I'm taking it slow.
I should also note that I never consistently went on any sort of diet while breastfeeding the twins... I generally tried to eat healthy but never denied myself anything, but I only made it to the gym 2-3 times a week if that. I hovered around 10 pounds over my pre-twins weight the entire time I was nursing, and the last month after weaning I am finally learning to eat like a normal person (thank you, my fitness pal) and making it to the gym/working out 4-5 times a week.
I am still 5 pounds over my pre-twin weight, but I know it is not just about the weight and overall my body will take time to feel more back to normal and I am willing to be patient. I am grateful for everything my body has done in the last 6 years especially, and I just wanted to give hope to anyone who sees that dark abyss (which is definitely depressing) that postpartum can be, and wonders if they will ever be back to "normal" again.... You will! It just takes time and consistently taking care of yourself.
I am blessed beyond belief to have a husband who loves me no matter how I look like and encourages me to love myself. Because you can't truly take good care of your body if you don't love it. I still have my off days but overall as I keep active and try to include healthier foods in my diet, I am feeling good about myself these days. And it helps that after a year I feel like I finally look just a bit overweight and not pregnant (trust me when I say this was a HUGE victory for me!).
In January I set my sights on training and was hoping to complete a half marathon this weekend, but then about a month ago I thought, why rush things? So I've switched my focus to strengthening my body and getting a handle on my nutrition, I can always tackle a half marathon in the fall.
