Day 10 post op

It's amazing how much these two have changed in such a short amount of time. I was well prepared for feeding around the clock but I never knew I could spend so much time changing diapers.... It feels never being and poor little a has felt the brunt of it since I do forget to change her unless she really stinks (which in my defense she is outside in the dirt a lot of the time so.... Stinky is a relative term).

Today was a little chilly but perfect sidewalk chalk and bubble weather. And thanks to Keely for letting me borrow her video monitor to try it out for a few months so I can roam the backyard with the big kids while still keeping an eye on the babies.

Also this bush when we moved in was as  high as little d's thighs... Look how big they've gotten! He still insists he is growing faster than the bushes because heaven forbid anything be bigger than he is.

I decided not to brave the walk around the culdesac (since I didn't make much progress last time) and stick to pulling little a in a wagon up and down the street. I feel great with next to no pain but the pain meds are gone as of tonight so we'll see if I end up having to resort to some serious couch potato-Ing tomorrow. Good thing the kids will be at my parents house tomorrow.

Finally made it outside for a "real" walk

10 minutes to get the car seats and babies into the stroller (since I had to take each in one at a time).

Made it past 4 houses and had to turn around. That part took me 20 minutes.

Have I mentioned lately how humbling a c section recovery is? I used to be able to run two miles in that amount of time.

The good news is, it tuckered everyone out. And tomorrow maybe we will make it to 6 houses.

meet the boys

It only took a few days of being with these boys to be pretty confident in their differences and how unique each boy is. Racking up the tandem nursing hours will really do that to you, staring down at their two little heads and noticing their tiny little differences has made me love them as individuals much more than I was expecting at this point in their young lives.

If I had been pregnant with two girls, I would not have worried so much as I did this pregnancy about being able to tell the twins apart since there are so many accessories you can add to little girls to distinguish them from each other...little boys, especially in the summer, not really. Even color-wise, most of our baby boy clothes are different shades of blue since I was never a big fan of green for boys. Heavenly Father must have known my concern because these boys are opposites on so many levels, which at least for me made me feel confident in snipping their nametags (which I never had to look at once at the hospital to tell them apart) before we left the hospital. I realize not everyone is as lucky as I am to be able to distinguish them (and granted, when I am too tired or mommy brained, my mind still takes a moment to remember who is who, and will occasionally get them mixed up), so here are a couple things to get to know the boys a little better as individuals.

I haven't truly settled on good nicknames for them (that's what I get for giving them both "L" names!) but "Lan" and "Lo" are what little A calls them, so for now we will go with that.

Both boys have the long dowling fingers and perfect little ears. Perfectly pouty lips, scronny little chicken legs and big feet, perfectly proportioned tummies.

Lan (the eldest):

Scratches himself (or his brother) in the face just about all the time, so he usually has mittens on. He understands day and night and is awake most of the day, so he sleeps well at night. He is about as demanding as you would expect a newborn to be, and goes from dead asleep to pitching a screaming wailing fit in a matter of seconds. He probably gets the hangry from me. When he is eating (which occasionally feels nonstop all day long), he eats fast and furious, like he has to drink as much as possible before his brother gets all of it. He was the stronger of the two nursing -wise and still has the quicker latch... lately he has even been able to latch on by himself while I am trying to get his brother started eating. He is pretty desperate when it comes to eating, so he is usually the one to take charge of how frequently I nurse the boys during the day, since I usually have to wake his brother up to feed him during the day. From the first day we saw him, I thought he looked so much like little d, with his old man scrunchy face and his big eyes. His hair is darker and a tiny bit longer than his brother's and he is usually pretty wide eyed when he is awake. You can tell his hairline will mimic Drew's. He seems larger than his little brother, and I am not sure if that is because of his features or his bulk (he is shorter than his brother but weighs more).

Lo (the younger):
is Mr. Sleepybird all day long. Seriously some times it feels like I have to bring him back to the land of the living because when this boy sleeps, he is OUT, especially during the day. From about 9 am to 9pm like clockwork, he is consistently sleeping through feedings, diaper changes, everything. Then in the evening they switch and Lo is awake most of the night. I feel so blessed that this is the case because it does mean that I get to spend one on one time with the boys  since they are not demanding of my attention at the same time. I know that I get to see and play with Lan during the day, and Lo at nighttime (mostly late at night and early in the morning since I am a zombie inbetween). So yes, I have four very demanding children, BUT they all need me in different ways and at different times and by some miracle I am still able to do the non-mommy things I love most like cleaning or blogging. Back to Lo, he looks similar to little A because he has daintier features. I didn't want to tell Drew but more than one nurse mistook him for a baby girl. What can I say? I have a beautiful boy. His hair is lighter and blonder and shorter than his brother's, he is taller (but is usually curled up in a ball so it is not so apparent) and skinnier and smaller overall (they didn't measure it but I could swear his head is smaller). His eyes when he does open them are quite large, but most of the time he has some pretty sleepy eyes. Lo takes the lead when it comes to eating at night, and while he is super mellow during the day he certainly gets a little more fiesty at night... probably gets his night owl tendencies from his dad. He is so incredibly sweet and is my little snuggler. He is more likely to take a pacifier even though both boys aren't too keen on them quite yet, and aside from the first time they nursed (Lan did for almost a full 90 minutes then puked up most of it like an hour later, poor kid!), Lo has been our little spit up boy, although none of my kids have really been super spitter uppers, so even just a handful of times is more than I've dealt with with both my bigger littles combined.

These boys are amazing. I am so happy I am able to spend so much time with them together as well as apart. My mom and friends and family have been instrumental in taking care of the house, the bigger kids, meals, etc so that I have been able to just enjoy the newborn-ness and take this much needed time to recover. I initially thought I could ONLY feed them together if I wanted to tandem feed but usually what happens is I get them both to eat, change diapers, then the sleepier of the two will fall asleep happily and the more awake one stays up a little longer to nurse, which I do not mind at all.

I am so blessed and I can't think of a more perfect way to start my final chapter of young motherhood. I am incredibly happy with my family of six and am grateful that while I initially thought (before we found out we were having twins) we would be good with 3 kids, that a loving Heavenly Father helped me to realize we needed one more to make our family complete. I am enjoying the baby stage with these two so much more than I ever did with the other two, probably because it's my last but also because I know how quickly and fleeting the time goes. I'm grateful for a husband who helped me realize we did not need to go out a purchase a car before the boys came because not having the option to leave the house with all the kids has been one of the biggest blessings in my life... instead of worrying about running here there and everywhere with all the kids in tow, I have learned to take it easy and just enjoy being at home (Thankfully I don't have cabin fever quite yet!) not doing too much of anything.

I wish all 6:30 wake up calls involved so much help (without fighting)

9 years of marriage

............nine years of so many wonderful memories, the best of which include our four amazing children. I am so grateful with each passing year that I made the decision in 2006 to marry my best friend for time and all eternity. Best decision I have ever made!!!

Kevs is 7!

One of the very first things I ever blogged about (back in 2008, when I had to start a blog for an art and technology class) was the birth of a little litter of kittens that occurred in our home (first birth I ever witnessed, happened in our bedroom!) a few months after I convinced drew that although he was allergic to cats, it was the "right thing to do" to invite a stray cat we called Lucy (kevs' momma) into our home. I would love to say that Drew has regretted that decision every day the last seven years of his life (because it would be a predictable outcome), but I know he has grown to love Kevs as much as I did, and the fact that he is (more than likely) the only pet we will ever own, makes him all the more special with each birthday we spend with him.

Happy 7th birthday Kevin Youkilus Faulk Garnett Dowling! We sure do love you!

And a little flash back to that blessed first day of life: (Kevs looks just like his mama but with short hair)

And the whole litter... 5 kittens!

Little things I'm loving lately

-A fellow twin parent mentioning how the last month of pregnancy is a really good preparation for the first little while with twins (I finally understand the method behind the madness of months of insomnia!!!), which explains why the transition hasn't been too much of a shock to my already sleep deprived self. Also getting FOUR hour solid sleep last night was so unexpected and amazing! (I haven't slept solidly that long in MONTHS)

-my neighbors allowing little d to play with their kids across the street pretty much all afternoon the last couple of Sunday's, including today, which equates to next to zero crying in our home on Sunday's (hallelujah).

-another neighbor mowing our lawn for us unexpectedly "so Drew can spend more time playing baseball with little d"

-another neighbor (can you tell we hit the neighborhood jackpot?!) offering to take our kids with them for a walk around the block.

-a friend from church offering to pick me up anything from the store the day we run out of milk.

-thinking about the minimal effort I have had to put towards meals the last week and for the upcoming week thanks to Drew and some awesome church friends.

-finally resolved some things so there are no days of school I would need to get little d rides for! Phew.

-my mom offering to watch the kids so we can get sushi for our 9th anniversary

-my mom being able to come over as long as I need her, to watch the big kids, snuggle the babies, clean my house and do my laundry.... Gosh do I love my mom and I cannot imagine going through this transition week (with drew being home but back to full time work) without her. Seriously so blessed.

-having a forgiving sister

-my neighbor offering to photograph my boys (I regret not getting more nice pictures of little a when she was a little baby!)

Can't wait to see the final results!

surviving the first week with newborn twins

I could not have survived this week without:
1. my awesome husband to make sure I am not doing too much and to pick up the slack (especially the hour right before I am able to take my pain meds when pain is at its highest). He makes me smile, laugh (but not too hard), gives me back massages, brings me things I can't get on my own and has really gone above and beyond the call of duty this week in caring for me and the house and all the kids. I cannot believe how much my love for him has grown over the course of the last week!
2. big jugs of cold water and produce (usually in the form of a green smoothie)...sometimes the only thing to keep me awake when the pain meds make me so sleepy
3. swaddlers, pacifiers, and rock n play sleepers (right next to the bed so I don't even have to get out of bed)
4. diaper changing stations on each floor of the house (and we set up a makeshift one in our bedroom as well), complete with vasaline, diapers, wipes, pacifiers, and changes of clothes, especially the newborn ones with the hand covers for Lan.

(My side of the bed, changing materials for evening and of course where the boys sleep. And no I never use that rocker since I can't nurse both boys in it. Yet.)
5. all the diapers and wipes imaginable. we go through so much!! The boys (who were supposed to go through one diaper per day of life for awhile) went through a DOZEN diapers in the first day.
6. a clean house. spending most of the day on the main floor of the house, it is pretty imperative that for at least some of the day it does not look like a total wreck and for the most part I have thankfully been able to bend down and pick things up easily. Still can't vacuum or take out the trash but you know, baby steps. I'm grateful I was so good to clean everything before I left because it's much more manageable that way.
7. My Brest Friend nursing pillow and having incredible nurses at the hospital who managed to get me tandem feeding from the very start.
8. black maternity leggings (easily the best maternity purchase I have ever made in my entire life because it works so well for prenatal and postpartum comfortable wear) and cotton nursing tank tops (I go through about one a day, so I am grateful I found a half dozen at a consignment sale for like $1 each a few months ago)
9.walking around. it may seem like a simple thing but walking around the house even has reduced my leg/cankle swelling signifigantly (I had it for about two weeks really bad after little d) even if it does make me a little sore. I found out if I am good about doing more walking right after taking pain meds then I have a minimal amount of pain to deal with.
10. SO MUCH HELP. I know there will be more to come but people bringing meals, treats, friends inviting my kids to play outside, my mom watching the big kids so I can focus on the littlest ones just this week has been an enormous blessing, especially when I feel like doing so little.

A few thoughts about the first week post c-section/twin birth:
-I still look about 6 months pregnant 

"cute pregnant" as I like to think of it, not scary "is she about to have that baby any second" pregnant. I lost roughly half the weight (you know the easy part with Baby and fluid and placenta) so now I just have the other half to work off on my own starting in 5 weeks. Little a still does the stethescope and the "whoosh whoosh" on my belly and it just makes me laugh.
-It took me awhile to figure out that the lumps in my belly were not in fact my intestines, but my abdominal muscles that are sort of trying to find their way back to where they belong.
-my uterus is still huge and I can't fit either of my belly bands around my waistline yet. maybe next week?
-the pain is lasting longer than I remember. the first 5 days were brutal and the last day has been so-so. in addition to my incision pain, my belly has been super sensitive.
-(TMI?) it took me five days to be able to go to the bathroom, post op, which I think is why my belly hurt so so bad those first 4-5 days. whatever pills they gave me did nothing to help but a good old green smoothie with kale did the trick just fine
-the twins really do love being snuggled up against each other
-Lan is the crier, Lo is stil pretty mellow during the day, and at night they switch
-I remember usually one moving at a time in utero (not too often that they were moving at the same time, almost like they were taking turns), and it is no different now. almost always one is a awake and one is asleep. still working on aligning their schedules but I almost always have to wake someone up at feeding time.
-tandem feeding is not as hard as I expected it to be. thanks to fellow twin mom Cristin, I already decided that each twin would get one side per day, and that has worked fabulously. I feed the twins on demand, and try to stick to about 2-3 hours in between feedings, but still occasionally end up feeding just one who was too sleepy or not as alert for the tandem feed. I go by the feed-change diaper-feed pattern, and if one is awake afterwards I will spend a little time with them, but more often than not they just fall asleep.
-they like pacifiers for now but don't necessarily need them.
-Lan must be fed RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND when he is hungry.
-I only do stairs twice a day. I try to shower and collect everything I need first thing in the morning (coupled with the morning feeding and changing it takes about 2 hours!) and then once I come downstairs I don't come back up until nighttime. I learned my lesson the first time (When no one told me not to do stairs) to try and steer clear of stairs and I am hoping it will assist in my speedier recovery.
-I fall asleep so often that I have resorted to wearing my glasses all week, and probably will continue to do so until I am done with the pain meds, it is just not worth it to have to take out contacts (or sleep in them which always feels terrible)
-my belly is still itchy but not as bad as it was a week ago.
-No more heartburn---yay! my appetite is still not 100% but it's getting there.
-being outside again feels awesome

.

From 5am to 10am, at least one of my four children was crying/complaining/whining... It's like it was contagious. One would finally calm down just enough for another one to take the wheel...The funny part about that (and why I actually want to remember it) was that for only waking up at 8am, the big kids cried/whined/complained a whole lot more proportionately than the babies have.

So while the twins are of course a challenge in all their needs I have to meet (yesterday felt like a feeding/diaper changing circus/merry go round), I can look at these two faces and think "at least you're not two years old yet."

And of course it helped that my house went silent as soon as drew took the  big kids out for a bday party. And I got to enjoy the silence. And do a little light cleaning that made me happy x ininfinity...let's hope it lasts me till bedtime.

Fresh flowers make everything better.

Two important lessons I've learned today: (1) if one of the twins is upset, putting the two of them together calms the upset twin down approximately 100% of the time. Astounding but as of today it's true! And (2) if you're not laughing about something, your probably crying about it. And there's enough crying in this house as it is.

Side note: c section recoveries (maybe it's all surgeries but c sections are my Bly two surgeries so far) are the WORST. You're told to move around to speed up recovery BUT you also should take it easy so you don't overdo it and bust open your stitches...then when you're in pain, is it because you're doing too much?? Or because you are not doing enough?! I know it's only been five days but I only have pain pills till Thursday and I'm terrified I will still be in this much pain, which has been slowly decreasing except for the last day or two when it has plateaued. But at least I am showing my body some love to hopefully help that along.

Cheers 

"First" night with the twins

Last night was truly my first official night as a mom of twins since they went to the nursery in between feedings in the hospital. It started out pretty rough.

Good bless whoever invented the Velcro sleep wrap aka baby burrito, the rock n sleep, and the pacifier because without that holy trifecta it would have been a truly maddening evening. They will be by my bedside till I can move around easier, then we can move them to their rooms. I'm getting about then same amount of sleep as I did the last trimester of pregnancy, so I'm used to it but still occasionally get tired, and feel so blessed to be able To nap while d

Was at a friends house and Annabelle was napping.

Doctors visits proved I was right and the hospital pediatrician was wrong. The boys are back to nearly their birth weight in only a day, not even, since leaving the hospital.

Got around, got outside, avoided stairs and another day in the books means I am pooped out.

First day home

It took all of about 20 minutes for our first blowout and our poor little bug puked (out the nose as well as out the mouth... Is that normal?!) twice.

I can handle the two big kids on my own. I can handle the twins on my own.

Combining the two is proving to be tricky. Certainly not impossible but definitely a challenge. The boys almost weigh the same now (5-12ish?) meaning they both lost a decent amount of weight so I am on demand feeding till tomorrow at least. I am just grateful that while I try to stay on top of my recovery and we figure out this balancing four kid circus thing, the babies will be sleeping a lot of the time.

And tomorrow we will be watching an embarrassing amount of Netflix.

I figured that while they are small it feels safer to keep them in the same bouncer (since protecting one bouncer from a crazed big sister who means well but is way too crazy is hard enough!) and to be honest I think they like it better.

Tandem nursing is difficult but doable (at least at home) and i love it.

My belly is still sore and swollen, my incision still burns but we are home! And there's no better feeling.

little a at two years old

favorites!

color: purple (puh-poh) and pink (eenk)
tv show: sesame street (but only if it has elmo and cookie monster), mostly she just likes playing on the PBS kids app, which means watching everything for no longer than about 10 seconds.
movie: big hero 6
food: cookies, goldfish, pretzels, bars, WAY (raisins)
drink: milk (still does not like any sort of juice, and while she gets excited to make smoothies with me, she doesn't usually drink them)
characters: pretty much any one she recognizes... superheroes, ninja turtles, princesses, sesame street, you name it
phrase: OH NO!
song: shake it off (And a couple other TSwift songs from her CD she calls "mommy" "day-duh" or "hey" just because they are considered our favorites by her), itsy bitsy spider, wise man and foolish man, head shoulders knees and toes
sleep-she finally naps (well up until I delivered) 1-3 hours a day in the afternoon and goes to bed the same time as her brother, they usually nap shy of 12 hours, going to bed around 8 and waking up around 7.

a few things about this sweet girl at two years old I don't want to forget...

she loves babies, anything small that can be called "baby", playing with "yeyyo and nenna", jumping especially on trampolines, wearing my high heels, changing her clothes, pointing out "egg-ggins" (Earrings) and jewelry and nail polish on women, playing and snuggling with the cat, all animals but especially dogs and cats, "wee": reading books to her or reading them to herself, head shoulders knees and toes, nursery (finally!) and all the boyfriends that come along with it, brushing her teeth (eating all the toothpaste), wearing gah-ggohs (glasses), talking on phones, stealing away smartphones to take selfies, "no-no-nononNOOOO!", saying the prayer (where she will repeat one word at a time except when you say jesus she always skips "christ" and says a-MEN!), trying on everyones shoes, going outside to play with "EE-YIY" and "TWA" (little d's bffs) in addition to her own little friends,  saying animal sounds, making sounds in general (like the whooshing heartbeat of the babies in my belly or the sound an airplane makes while putting a spoon towards her mouth, or the swishing of wheat from a farm book), "AIR-bow" in her hair which can either mean a headband or a tiny little band I use to do pigtails which she always takes out then ruffles her face in concern and says "OH NOOOO!" Also dancing to music videos, playing with "day-duh" (brother), "meh-meh" (baymax), doo doos (Kevs), coloring especially with markers or paints, wearing jewelry, putting on her own clothes (especially skirts and pants), using the "air dry" after bathing with brother, getting stamps or tattoos on her hands and arms, getting her nails painted, helping me cook or bake or clean in the kitchen, using her stroller or little car to transport little bits and bobs around the house, HUGS, giving kisses, doing anything she knows she is not supposed to, and probably a dozen other things I am forgetting right now. But I knew if I did not make this list before I left the hospital it would probably never happen.

My sweet girl is getting to be so big! when she came to visit me at the hospital I remember admiring her long mulletish locks. It was like she grew hair overnight (also her brothers have nothing but peach fuzz!). She is so smart and has started picking out letters, especially O, A, and L. She can say every letter of the alphabet, which is so funny to me because she stills says anna instead of elsa even when we can get her to say "EL" and "SA" separately. She has little nicknames for everyone, most of which are one syllable (sarah is YAH). She has a recent fascination with worms and bugs (baby!!) because of how small they are and I wanted to show her not to be afraid of them...so now she picks them up, even (Especially??) the dead ones, usually worms.

She got a scooter a month ago from me to keep up with the twins and really does a good job maneuvering around in it. She keeps trying to use little d's spiderman bike, which will be hers by the end of the summer once we get him a new bike and put the training wheels back on. She tries so hard to be like little d and falls and does silly things to get people to laugh at her.

She really likes to clean. Her body with wipes, the kitchen table, messes on the floor (a lot of which she will make on purpose just so she can clean it up!), etc. She is extremely good at trading and sharing, not when her brother grabs things from her, but if he just asks her, she always and I mean ALWAYS says yeah and shares, no matter how good what she has is. Our new ottoman is her new favorite spot to watch shows. She likes to lay on her tummy when she draws. She likes to steal chapstick and wash her hands with sanitizer or soap and water, and would do all three of those things all the time if we let her.

The girl who once ran away from me at any given notice will usually request "HANN!" to hold my hand and actually looks before we cross the road (better than I can say for her brother). She still runs off to be funny and rarely comes back to me if she tries to run away which is terrifying. She loves buckling things and has spent hours since we got them buckling (so I can unbuckle) the babies car seats. She loves doing anything you ask her to do if its considered help. She is fascinated with toilets (potty! poop? is what she asks with a scrunched up nose if she catches anyone in the bathroom) and we have a hard time getting her to not flush toilets or frantically start pulling out toilet paper whenever she goes into a bathroom...again, girl sure does love to do stuff right in front of you and as fast as she can that she knows she is not supposed to do.

She still does her impressive "puppies!" OH face, but its for anything she thinks is cool or recognizes (like songs on the radio). She's the friendliest little thing ever and makes sure to say HI to everyone she sees (and makes sure they hear her and respond, or she will keep saying HI! HI! and waving). She found out people (strangers) like when she blows them kisses so she does it all the time.

She recovers quickly from physical injury.  When she gets upset however, she is reeeeeeeally hard to calm down. Usually we ignore her for awhile till she chills out and requests "HUG!" and then we hug her and all is forgiven and she say "WOY" which is sorry and it all blows over. She loves opening and closing doors, cabinets, drawers, everything. Also light switches she can actually reach.

also obsessed with and gets so excited if you talk about the three c's : COH-KAI (cosi), "CYAH-COH" (costco), or "CAH-KEE" (cottage cheese). Also cookies.

she recognizes names and faces (and connects them together) of Drew and my immediate family, and with my immediate family (parents and siblings) and a lot of her little friends she is able to tell you if you ask where they are (school, work or home) usually.

She asks a lot of questions and answers a lot of mine with just one word answers, which astounds me. little d is pretty good at interpreting her, but sometimes I have to guess a few times and she will in fact tell me no until I get to what she was wanting to talk to me about. She is so smart. HAve I mentioned that before? SO smart. Just in a very different way than her brother was (which was mostly that he had a super impressive vocabulary, which little a has the opposite).

Little A wants to do everything and loves everything her big brother does. But she is still a total girly girl. I love that.

She still remembers the grinch from christmastime being a particularly grumpy man, and calls satan (well the scriptures we have with pictures that depict him) as "GREH!". scriptures are "SCREH". She will actually sit and flip through a book the right way, pausing to look at pictures. but if she finds a tiny little something sticking out of the book, she will pull it off... almost all the stickers to her little fischer price kitchen have been peeled off.

I know I am probably missing a lot about her at two years old, but it was when little d was two that we got pregnant with little a, and I feel like I did a really good job documenting stuff about him up until that point and then it got so much harder with two... I cannot even begin to imagine what it will be like with four. But the point it, I love this girl so much. she was our family's baby for such a fleeting amount of time, and now she is surrounded by boys. She is so tough and sweet at the same time, but most importantly she is so kind hearted. little d has been a wonderful example to her of kindness and I definitely think it is because of him and the way he treats her that her personality has blossomed so pleasantly. She certainly has her moments (Some days a LOT of those moments I would rather forget) but as quickly as they escalate they are usually gone and my sweet daughter is back to her normal, laid back self.

God gave me such an incredible family, and each member has come into it like a perfectly fitted puzzle piece. I am so incredibly lucky to have my four littles and I am excited to see what the future lays in store for us in the next few years. They will certainly go by quickly, but hopefully when I'm old and empty nested I can come back to this blog and look over it with satisfaction, no regrets for a life well lived.

And just like that, day 3 is in the books and we all go home tomorrow.

I was so scared post surgery with little d of feeling ANY pain that I made sure to over estimate (on the 1-10 scale) how in pain I was. This time around I initially wanted to be brave (??) and underestimate which is probably why yesterday was so terrible. When I am seated, I feel great. No pain at all. But then I stand up or try to move around and get Harry Potter style scar pain searing across my abdomen. But I will keep moving and it will get better. And my milk finally came in (it took 5 days with little d, 2 days with little a) so my days of feeding for 90 minutes are over! Now onto milk comas and starting a (already successful in the hospital) tandem feeding routine at home!

"let me know if there is anything I can do to help you out"

ahhh the most commonly used phrase in the history of pregnancy/womankind. I cannot even tell you how many offers like this I have given and received in the last few years, or more specifically the last few months. Since we can't read each other's minds (yet), I have taken it upon myself to compile a little list on behalf of new moms (disclaimer: although let's be honest, it is just me here expressing my own personal opinion, and every new mom is different, so to be fully truthful I only really know that this list applies to me, quite possibly me alone). And anyone who knows me knows that asking for help is not something I am a huge fan of, so this post was like pulling teeth for me to write, but I knew I needed to do it.

Advice for anyone who wants to be involved in the whole "helping me out" bit (or the Help Ruth Swallow Her Pride Because She Has No Idea What Is About to Hit Her Foundation):

1. NO surprises. Calling or texting me beforehand is almost a necessity... especially in these first 6 weeks when I will be moving around reeeeally slowly (and the kids know not to answer the door) and nursing all the time, I am not a fan of surprise visits, no matter how well meaning they may be. If you want to have any sort of surprise, you have my permission to contact Drew and he can tell you if he thinks it's acceptable. Also trying to settle into a routine with naps and such, I don't need the added confusion of the doorbell ringing all the time. I really appreciate that you want to do something for my family, but please ask me before showing up at my doorstep, since I do reserve the right to not answer my door.

2. Be courteous of the big kids. I NEVER go to someone's house with a gift for the new mom or baby without first having something (no matter how small) for the older child/children. Either don't make a big deal about the gift you are giving the babies (or your desire to hold them), or distract them with something else because they can and definitely do get jealous, and that is the last thing I need right now to add to the chaos. When we had little A, my friends and family were so fabulous about giving him something or playing with him first, and once he was distracted enough, to play with his sister or gift her something. Try as I might, everything is "not fair" these days, even when it comes to the babies getting new diapers. Sad but true story. Also keep in mind that the babies will never have any idea whether or not they are held or if anyone plays with them...my kids remember everythingggg.

3. Be courteous of my time. I don't think I need to remind moms that naptime is just about the most sacred time there is. So from 1-4pm (usually around the time that little a naps) is never a good time to come over because as soon as the babies are down you know little d will either be watching a show or be napping alongside me. But it's not just naptime... any stay longer than about 30 minutes (especially if I am having to manage the older two running around me the entire time) is going to be exhausting to me, no matter how much I try to deny it. I can already sense this while in the hopsital. Hopefully as the babies sleep longer stretches this will change but caring for four children under five years of age while trying to have a conversation with someone is totally and completely exhausting.

4. Have some idea of how you want to help out. I am terrible at coming up with stuff on the spot, so while I've been alone with my thoughts (probably the most collected they will be for months), I thought up a quick little list of things I know for a fact would be super helpful the next few weeks at least:
-Playdates with little d (keeping in mind that I don't have a car to hold all my kids, so it would need to be at my house or he would need transportation)
-Supervising the kids (since they usually just watch tv) for 10 minutes or so in the morning so I can get a shower in
-Give me a call or shoot me at text if you are at the store... since I can't go anywhere myself with all the littles, there's almost always a little something we forget midweek at the store (or that I am too lazy to go pick out in the little time I have to myself). I even carry cash around now for the specific purpose of repaying people. Also running out of diapers and wipes (and even thank you notes or stamps!) is pretty much my worst nightmare, and the way these boys are going through diapers in the hospital, it may in fact become a reality.
-Offering to go on a walk with all of us... walks are my favorite thing to do with the kids (little d usually rides his bike around the block and little a usually scoots or walks) but chaperoning the two big ones and pushing the two little ones, at least for the time being, is a job that requires more than just myself.
-Or, since he will be missing it the most, offer to go for a bike ride around with little d. Or play baseball in the backyard with him. Honestly, he is my biggest concern (is it that obvious?) in all this, because while the other three are pretty content on their own, he is the most active and demanding of my time and attention, which he deserves to be because he is almost 5, but while I would not have it any other way, I know I need to take super good care of myself the next month or two so I can continue to be the active mom he deserves!
-Our freezer is pretty stinking full (and I am not a huge fan of leftovers sitting in the fridge), but it won't be that way forever and babies only get cuter with age so what better excuse to come visit after a few weeks?
-Watching the twinners for me while I take the bigger kids to the park or just play with them in the house for a little while, so they get more mommy and me time (when I am sure they will feel like all that time gets sucked into feeding/changing/caring for the twinners)

5. Don't be offended if I don't use/accept your help immediately. I am so grateful for all the offers, but I am also very well aware that I will probably need help for a while, so accepting every offer as it comes in is not the smartest decision since I am trying to plan for the long term. So if I say thanks but I am good for right now... follow up with me in a week or two! :)

Hopefully that is helpful for all those many people who want to help our family out.

But even (especially?) for those who live far away, a friendly text or email or thoughtful comment on facebook/instagram/my blog means the world to me, more than most people can even imagine. I am so grateful for all the people in my life that care about me, and there is nothing more rejuvenating to the soul than hearing kind words from wonderful people.

Our six pack is perfect (as in, whole or complete)