While I think my last year self would have loved for us to have been on a trip of some sort today, that was unfortunately not the case... I barely saw Drew today! Between hosting a baby shower, going to little d's soccer game, attending a bridal shower and then working, he spent most of today with the kids (who cannot stop running away, all over the neighborhood, heaven help us!) and I spent most of the day in the car listening to my podcasts.
So while today was busier than I wanted it to be, it was a good couple of hours to reflect on our relationship for me. I started another round of whole30 earlier this week, and definitely not for the best reasons. We were supposed to go out of town for a day or two down south this weekend and obviously that fell through, so my way of coping was initially to eat my feelings, then I felt the need to reset that and feel better about myself this week by whole30-ing, which was pretty unfair to Drew since the reason we did not go was outside of his and my control.
The podcast I have been listening to the most is Nutrition Redefined, and I am just about caught up after not listening for a few weeks. There is so much that she talks about that truly resonates with me as Truth as she spoke about intuitive eating (which is something I really need to explore and research more) and something she said triggered some memories of Mother's Day a few years ago when I embarked on my first whole30, which left Drew and the kids unable to make me meals because I just said I would take care of it myself. It is definitely one of my biggest regrets to date. So when Drew asked me to pick out a whole30-approved restaurant for dinner tonight, I thought to myself, this is one of those moments. That I can stick to my guns and whole30 on with what I was planning on making for dinner (because: planning!) because I am stubborn and brought this upon myself, or I could accept that I was already getting home after 7pm, Drew and I both needed some time together to relax and enjoy a night of food that wouldn't be whole30 but certainly would not be something like McDonald's that would cause immediate regret. And when I really thought about what I was going for in my life, it was not to lose weight or do the most whole30s, it was to be happy and healthy and to have a good relationship with food and not make it weird for people around me but make food something we can celebrate in a healthy way with.
Sushi has been that celebratory food for us for the last few years: I love it on my birthday, while pregnant, on anniversaries and any excuse we have to spend a little extra money on yummy food because it is one of the few meals we would never make ourselves but we love eating! So on my way home I found a really highly rated Sushi place right up the street from us that I never even knew existed and brought a few rolls home to share. The kids had done one of their houdinis when I came home, so about an hour after I came home we settled in what I had brought and bless his heart, the first question Drew asked when he opened the container was "Okay, which one of these can you eat?". I told him I could eat all of them, because I can, because I am a grown woman and can make my own decisions, and part of my Food Freedom is making empowered choices and being happy with whatever the consequences are. Drew knows that me doing whole30 is mostly because I love the way it makes me feel-- I have energy and feel most in control of my food choices, and most importantly I feel healthy. But one meal celebrating the 12 happiest years of my life was well worth stepping out of my comfort zone and I have no regrets--not even about the heath and oreo concrete I had after the sushi! Probably because I still have all the stuff at home ready for me to go back to the comfort and security of Whole30 tomorrow.
Anyways this post was not meant to be one about whole30. What it is meant to be is a reflection on my relationship with Drew in the last 12, but especially the last year. A year which has been one of tremendous growth and change and transition and difficulty. Drew is finally in a job where we see him home for dinner every night, something I hope I never take for granted. We have been emerging from the cocoon/fog of making and raising babies and now that the twins are potty trained, we are entering a new phase in life that doesn't have to revolve around naps or needing diaper bags. It is sometimes strange and different but good, to be able to focus more on myself than I have in about 8 years. An opportunity came up last month for me to sign up for a painting class in May and I was hesitant to take it because of little d's sports schedule. Drew insisted I go ahead and sign up and we would figure it out, and sure enough we are able to work around it, but then Drew found out he has his softball games the same nights as my class! What I am trying to say is that between watching the kids while I went off to Seattle for a conference and supporting me through a whole30 earlier this year, plus a hundred other things that I could mention, Drew has been my biggest supporter in figuring myself out. It is not without growing pains but we are getting somewhere, and I am grateful every day that I have him by my side because he is truly my soulmate and best friend. I never would have ran a marathon without him signing me up, never would have survived the twins without him by my side, or realized my love for the 2016 Honda Pilot without his nudging and encouraging patience. He is the reason we have lived in all the wonderful homes we have found and lived in and he is the reason why I feel more confident in my role as a wife and mother and woman now than I did 12 years ago.
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| picture from our honeymoon in Disney World 2006! We were babies! |
Honestly I don't remember much about our wedding day anymore, as the moments between the posed pictures become even more blurred over time, but I remember feeling like I really truly loved him
with all my heart and I would do anything for him. I still cannot believe we have been through so much in only 12 years. I feel like I have changed the most of the two of us, mostly out of necessity because of my role as mother the last 8 years, but seeing Drew come into his own since we came out here has been really fun. For most of our marriage I have been a gym rat, working out around 5 days a week, so to have him join me as we joined the rec center this past fall has been beyond my wildest dreams. I love hearing about his workouts, occasionally working out side by side with him, and seeing him find something outside of intramural sports that he excels in and loves makes me so happy. Not to mention seeing him at work in an office with friends, winning office olympics and ping pong championships (so proud!), making friends with people at church and in the neighborhood as well as just being home more with our family. I also like to think our love for each other has only blossomed more as we have this newfound love of superhero movies, and I am so grateful we got an early date night this week thanks to Mike and Darsi to watch Avengers Infinity War opening night!
I love Drew so much, and I am so relieved that I have been blessed with someone who does not only celebrate me and us on the "big" holidays or celebrations but that our relationship and our love story has been built by "small and simple things", if you don't mind me borrowing that phrase. We are planning a fun adventure in the fall together, and we already have a trip planned for next month (one of my christmas presents to him) and then our first big (no diapers!) family vacation in July. There were probably a hundred thousand little decisions that brought us together in Provo Utah nearly 13 years ago, and I still can't believe he picked me. I am the luckiest. Every year has been full of surprises and I can't wait to see what year 13 will bring! (maybe I will finally figure out coding so my text doesn't have to wrap around pictures?!)
