Sunday Blessings

It is incredible to me how rejuvenating Sundays have the potential to be for me. The boys took 2 hour shifts last night (hallelujah!) in the feeding department and I managed to drag myself out of bed just before 7:30 to shower and get myself ready for church. Taking a shower first thing in the morning always helps wake me up and make me feel like I am getting a fresh start on the day (bonus: the only time of the day that I am not smelling like sour milk and sweat...tmi?), which is essential for Sundays that require Drew to go to meetings (ie, be no help in the "getting littles ready for church" department. Having established a routine of eating breakfast together and changing clothes before doing anything else obviously helps, and the big littles know by now that mommy's shower comes first (even if her breakfast usually comes last...like 2 hours after everyone else's), which will of course change once we get back into the swing of a morning gym routine.

Anyways. I usually pull up the Mormon Tabernacle choir channel on the chromecast to have something to listen to while I am feeding, changing and otherwise getting everyone ready for church. Music really has a magical way of bringing the spirit into our home. I was able to feed the twins once we were downstairs and they fell asleep easily...when does that ever happen!? and pretty much stayed asleep until we left for church. Talk about blessings. The big kids had breakfast and changed and watched veggietales on netflix (thank you, anna!!) while I hemmed little d's pants and got diaper and activity bags ready for church. We were all ready to go right when Drew made it home to pick us up and were only 5 minutes late. Miracles do happen.

No day is ever 100% perfect with four small children... there will inevitably be too many tantrums, too much fighting, too many messes to clean... BUT. I have found when I prioritize my time especially on Sunday, to keep the Sabbath holy I am immensely blessed and I can see his hand in making the little burdens in my life a little bit lighter.

Today was a really really good day, exactly what I needed, and a wonderful way to start off a busy week.

_______
side note on the dairy and chocolate free business... I decided to test out my theory by eating a chocolate ice cream bar, just to see how Lan would do... and I am totally regretting the decision. He isn't crazy like he was before but I do notice a difference, especially in his sleeping and being able to settle himself. Maybe in another week or so I will try again. Back to the no chocolate and dairy life for me...

Being a mom of so many young littles is terribly exhausting at times....

...to be honest, most of the time.

But it is also super crazy rewarding and I wouldn't change it for anything. Although having my parents 20 minutes away certainly helps!

Still Dairy and chocolate free

First off, thank you to everyone who gave me words of advice and support in this crazy time.

I still can't believe it's May 24 was the last day I had chocolate. Do you know how much chocolate I eat in a day usually?! It's a lot. Like just about every protein bar, treat, what have you that can be chocolate, it is.

In case you're keeping track, I'm no longer eating dairy, chocolate, tomatoes and citrus fruits and broccoli.

Lan is sleeping better than he has in his whole life (it's not too difficult to beat out 15 minutes during the day, haha) and makes his brother look fussy in comparison.... which I like to think is because Lo is missing chocolate and cheese just as much as I do. But Lan is not screaming bloody murder for no reason so that's huge in my book, and even more reason to continue on this crazy quest.

The first few days were crazy hard. Today we had chocolate chip cookies and homemade ice cream for dessert and to be honest it only bothered me a tiny bit. But I had my dairy free so delicious vanilla faux-gurt and nutty protein granola with a banana and I felt good and most importantly not so angry at my family for being able to enjoy something that had pervious ugly brought me so much joy...I now look at chocolate and dairy with a bit of fear and hesitation... As much as I loved it, it is now associated with the painful screams of my third born and i am terrified to try even just a bit in case it triggers another one of those episodes which at this point with the lack of sleep I have been getting,It just may kill me. Okay maybe just my soul but still.

The medicine is working, he doesn't seem to be spitting up hardly at all, and he's the happiest I've seen him... Ever. Seeing him sleep doesn't look painful and while he still grunts and groans a lot he's no longer screeching in pain. Still eats a ton though but wow that chunk is so adorable I can't complain.

I sure do Love that boy more than chocolate, and I can officially say that now!

Riddle me this, batman.

For the second night in a row. Every. Single. Hour. Each feeding takes 20-40 minutes.  And of course I would always try to get both Boys to nurse at the same time but they were not having it. So riddle me this...How many hours of sleep did I get last night?

Growth spurt. Keeping up my milk supply. They just love and can't get enough of me.

This too shall pass... Eventually.

(Side note... My dad mentioned to me, how come I am talking about my lack of sleep on my blog but don't want to talk about it in real life? Legitimate question. My thought is this... There are plenty of things that stink in life, and while I wish I could pretend they never happened, they did and remembering that they happened means I will be able to look back and see the progress we have made, like when we can consistently make it to 3 or even four hour stretches of sleep! Remembering the worst of times as well as the best, makes being grateful for where I am in life so much easier.)

Then I come downstairs to make pancakes  for the littles, which they are always requesting. And little d threw a crying hysterical tantrum for 20 minutes because who knows why. After his sisters 5 minute tantrum because I went to changer her diaper and she insisted on standing and then proceeds to pee all over me, and heaven forbid I clean her up after that? At least she's easier to distract than he is.

Then Kevin. Oh Kevin... He truly has a death wish. Last night he managed to Half eat a bird and then proceeded to smear the remains (all pulled out of the bird of course) all over the back porch for me to clean up, everything was already covered in ants.

So a lovely morning. That was all before 8 am if you can believe it.

Then little d suggests we go to the gym. And I agree, we finish breakfast and I pump and we went it made my whole day 100% better.

And mad props go to Drew for watching the boys the last two mornings! I forgive him for not being able to help with the night feelings ;)

A day of a whole bunch of firsts... Gym, blue apron, shopping trip with three littles

It is amazing night what a difference being dairy and chocolate free has been on the boys (mostly Lan). They are taking naps during the day!!! Instead of crying!! Is this real life?!

Got my first blue apron package.

Drew and the kids are doing their part in eating all the chocolate on my behalf. I wish I could just trash it all but them enjoying it is just as good.

First ponytail attempted with all her hair!!!

My view this morning: second night with the boys on their own room and between the two of them they were waking up EVERY SINGLE HOUR. Gah. Couldn't get the other one to eat at the same time so they were just on opposite schedules. Lovely. By 6 am they were both in bed with me. Co-sleeping and nursing while laying in bed for the win. And little d joined us at 7 ;) I'm so so glad we have a king bed!

By 9:30 we were headed to the gym for my first day back in two months!

16 pounds to tackle. Six week postpartum on Monday and I am living proof that you can be in good shape working out during pregnancy and those last 10-15 pounds are so stinking hard to lose every time. I hate when people say the baby weight "falls off of me" because aside from the actual initial baby drop (baby's and placentas), I don't lose a pound unless I work my butt off for it. And if you must know, kickboxing class made my midsection feel a whole lot like juggling a big bowl of jello. Wobbly bits everywhere.

We all have to start somewhere, so here's my day 1. Hopefully I will find my abdominal muscles again. The whole hour I was thinking,

Helloooooo core........???? It's me, Ruth. Are you in there??? Anywhere??

Thank goodness for my babysitter since there were like 40 kids at the gym childcare with two workers. The twinners may never make it to the gym childcare.

Made a chore chart and wish list with little d:

Sleepyheads 

Tummy time 

Movie night

First grocery trip with three of my four littles

We brave or crazy?!

First home cooked meal by me thanks to blue apron in a loong time. Also trying out so delicious yogurts and ice creams. Not bad! 

Probably would have tasted better if I could have had the cheese :/ different than our usual fare and probably wouldn't make it again, but now I know I can cook sliced beef? :/

And just like that, I say goodbye indefinitely to quesadillas and chocolate chip ice cream

my first day in over a year without chocolate. and dairy.

Last night/this morning was THE WORST. I know I have probably said that about a dozen times over the course of the last month but seriously. Poor Lan had me up most of the night and all morning as usual and he was simply miserable. It was making me wonder if the medication was doing him any good at all.

So early this morning I made the executive decision that for the next week or so I was cutting out chocolate (in hopes of allowing him to sleep more, maybe the caffeine was affecting his sleeping?) and dairy (one of the highest culprits in the sensitive baby stomach problem arena). This, coming from a girl who routinely eats breakfast as late as noon, and usually sneaks in a chocolate chip cookie or 3 while she is making said breakfast... maybe that's my problem. Also, cheese. I haven't been took keen on milk since I did whole30 least year, or cereal for that matter (that was thanks to when I did Bob Harper's Skinny rules back in 2012) which is the only way I usually have milk anyway.

Today. I missed cheese. And cottage cheese with clementines. And very desperately, chocolate. Which I totally made up for by eating way too much bread. At least I'm not really on whole30 or paleo, which I swore I would never do, and up until today I never thought I would ever swear off any food again. But I did.

(Self inflicted wounds from when he gets upset and scratches at everything including himself)
And it was 100% worth it to see my sweet little never-napping boy take the longest nap of his little life... 4 hours from 3pm-7pm (before that his longest nap during the day was all of about 10 minutes tops and I wish I were kidding), and to give him a bath tonight without him completely freaking out screaming like he usually does. I don't know if it is a personality change from feeling a bit more comfortable or just leftover nap-lag from his epic nap earlier, but I felt comforted in my decision to make such a little sacrifice for him.

(Dinner... Looks pretty whole30/paleo to me)
During the day has been just as hard (maybe harder?) than at night since the babies came home, and I will be honest, it is mostly because of Lan. Lo is able to fall asleep on his own and Lan has just never been able to, so as a result I am rarely without a baby in my arms during the day--either feeding, changing, or just holding, mostly the latter with Lan, trying to get him to burp or just position him to be more comfortable. Having my MiL in town the last two weeks means I have had an extra set of hands to share the baby holding but she leaves tomorrow so we will see how things go down after that point... I will certainly miss my in house housekeeper, babysitter, friend/advisor, chauffeur, launderer and cook. I've been terribly spoiled for longer than I deserve. Tomorrow marks the end of the helpful visits (until Anna's visit for a few days next month) so the training wheels come off to a Certain extent since I will still have my mom and sister 20 mins away.

Being a twin mom is not easy. I never expected it to be, but I also had no idea how difficult it was going to be. Thankfully we are so so close to rounding that corner of when the babies will start smiling and interacting with us, and at no time in my mommying life has that bright spot been needed than now.

Also a quick side note I wanted to remember... for the last 3 years that Drew has worked for his current company, he has always been sent out of town at some point for the last week of the month. This month was the first time ever that they had not needed him (he requested time off last month so he would not have to travel when the babies were so young), and I am extremely grateful that while he cannot feed the boys and most of the time does not even wake up when they wake up at night, having him by my side and occasionally rubbing my back as I am nursing or offering to help with a diaper change or to hold a baby, it means the world to me. Tender mercies of the Lord, such little insignificant things each day that really add up to a happy mama.

Here's to a possibility of a consistently happier baby boy!

My middle littles

As the middle child (since the twins are so often clustered as a single unit these days), I have been trying really hard to give little a special time with just the two of us since sometimes when I look back at all the stuff I did with her brother, I feel terribly guilty. Little d got to do gymnastics, swim lessons, music lessons, library classes, art classes.... Just about everything under the sun, in his first almost three years of life we tried it! Poor baby girl is barely two but half her life I've been pregnant (and therefore super lamesauce) with her two brothers, not that having them out changes too much in the mommy is lame department. You may say she knows no different but I still feel that guilt of depriving her of some awesome experiences and one on one time with mommy.

lately I have recognized her love for the outdoors so while my MiL is still here I have tried to capitalize on that. It's not easy sneaking away for any length of time but I have tried to take her with me when I have needed to run errands, which she loves and she's still at a stage where I can bribe/distract her with a mint so that makes the trips even to toy stores super painless. Tied with her love of the outdoors is her love for her two bffs, so I try to make sure she can get out and see them at least once a day.

Blowing bubbles, playing in water, going on walks and being around her big brother also top that list.

It's not always easy but it is possible to spend one on one time with each of my two big littles even when the other two can be demanding.

I am trying to be more actively engaged with little d during Quiet time for the first hour of little a's nap, today we started reading lessons and did some things from his prek packet he was interested in. 

After a BBQ with family and friends tonight, I put on the Lego movie to calm down some of the residual craziness and offered it take little a in the stroller for a walk. 

Hearing her tell me "more stroller" was like music to my ears. We made a solid mile around the high school track in 17:30, dancing around to music that was probably five years old on my phone. But she loved it.

Today was hard. Lan doesn't seem to be responding to the medication for his reflux and I swear he didn't sleep longer than five minutes at a time all day.... He was downright miserable. And I joked about it with drew but I think I seriously need to start eliminating foods from my diet to see if it will give him any relief at

all... I love chocolate but certainly not more than I love my baby boy, so that will be the first one to go for the next week and I'll see where to go from there... Probably dairy but a life without cheese is like...  Being on whole30. Which I hated. But I will do for the sake of my babe. So let's hope it's just the chocolate for now mmkay?

We will figure this out eventually.

Indisputable fact #3 about having 4 kids under 5

You are not going to get any sleep. At least not for any decent stretches of time that parents who only have one baby or two kids will even be able to fathom.

There I said it.

And the worst part is? Anyone and everyone is going to ask you about it. And one of these days, "fine" is going to turn into a brutally honest answer nobody wants to hear.

It is the number one most asked question, "how are you sleeping?" Or "how are the babies sleeping?" And while I know it comes from a good place, people are just concerned about me, and I do appreciate that concern...

I really truly do not want to talk about it. I remember with my first two the amount of sleep they were getting it how they were getting it was a topic I was happy to talk about for hours. This time around?

Not so much. It's a sensitive subject and almighty I just focus on surviving and during the day I try to block out what happened the night before. Because even if one kid sleeps decently, chances are the other one didnt. And when they both do, chances are that teething, growth spurts and just random babyness will cause them to not sleep well consistently for awhile. Just a fact I accepted the day I found out I was having twins.... Because my babies are historically never good sleepers. Sad but true.

And naturally once they start sleeping well then I'll have to be potty training sister, who if she is anything like her brother will refuse to wear pull-ups at night and then there goes the next year of my life cleaning potty training messes at night.

So if you want to do me a favor (aka if you care about me and my sanity at all), please stop asking me about anything related to sleep. For at least the next two years. Find something else to talk to me about. And I promise not to look at you like I want to punch you in the face even if I've only had a measly 3 hours of sleep broken up over the course of 7 hours.

My favorite part of each day...

Is nursing the boys while the big kids come in and snuggle with drew next to me.

(Or lounge on my nursing pillow...)

I love my little family!!! And before I forget. The boys took their first bottle on Thursday! I left them with Darsi when I went out to lunch with my mom and Sarah and came back to both Boys having tried their new Dr Brown bottle and loving it (yay!). In case you didn't know 4-6 weeks is the "sweet spot" for introducing bottles for breastfed babies. But the trick (which I forgot with little a) is to continue to give them bottles occasionally after that point, or else they will refuse it if they go too long without one. Two lessons I learned with my two big littles that I will not be making with these babies... (Lest I risk a year of exclusive bottles OR breastfeeding. Not ready for either!)

And just like that I have a prek graduate.

It is astounding to me how much he has learned and grown in the course of the last year. By no means could I have done this myself. His teacher is one of the most kind and Christlike people I have ever met and she has taught me so much on helping little d to be a better person and encouraging him to be better as I discipline him. I will miss her constant advice!!

With his teacher and two of the dozen friends/equally blonde classmate boys  that all look the same...

Going down the giant slide one last time... Had to take sister for her first time!

Augh do I love them:

"No more schoooooool!"

Which I celebrated with lunch with my mom and sister:

Pizza and cupcakes for the win. Bring on kindergarden!!