The final birthday in my 20's

29. Am I really that old? And yet when I think about all the things I have done in my 20's... well, my 30's have a lot to live up to. I rang in my 20's by getting married, adopting a cat (childhood dream come true right there), then graduating college, getting my first full time job, getting pregnant with and giving birth via c-section to my little D, running the Boston Marathon, getting pregnant with and giving birth via VBAC to my sweet little A, buying our first home (after a dozen moves into rentals over the last 10 years), and finally culminating in getting pregnant with (and hopefully in four months giving birth to) these sweet little twinners.

So much has happened in my 20's and I will soak up every minute of it while it lasts, since thanks to Kim Kardashian I now know that when the clock strikes midnight on my 30th birthday, I will get my first wrinkle and be doomed to a lifetime of wrinkle cream (unless I get my mom's perfect skin!), haha.

But in all seriousness, this weekend Drew has really outdone himself.  Seeing Big Hero 6 for the second time (first time for us ladies) was his idea on thanksgiving which was so much fun. And thanksgiving dinner, thanks to the crockpot turkey, took no longer to create than the usual nice sunday dinner. Saturday He took me out as I mentioned, to breakfast with the littles and gifted me with a ChromeBook (hallelujah I can finally rid myself of the MacBook that has been virtually falling apart for the last three years!), which is making it much easier to want to do my blogging on a laptop as opposed to my phone (and involves far fewer hand cramps!). Both kids slept until 9 the last two days and today slept until 10! I had a total brain lock and thought we had church at 11, and was about to walk into the chapel when Drew informed me that we were NOT going inside for the closing song. Whoops! But I will be honest, it was a good thing I didn't remember that since I was able to liesurely enjoy bathing the kids and getting them ready for church in the morning, whereas if I knew how late we really were I would have been totally freaking out. But I was able to enjoy my littles and get us all out the door by 11 which is pretty awesome in my book (anything under an hour is a win... with twins I suspect I need to budget for two??).

Post church, I purged my closet of all non-fitting stuff, which is always depressing at this point in the pregnancy because I still have so much time to be pregnant and the possibility of being able to fit into those clothes again seems so far away, like a dream. Will I ever fit into those jeans or that favorite tshirt again? And then I realize, of course I will, that this is just the season for maternity clothes and getting bigger and I just need to embrace it because especially in this pregnancy more than the other two, the bigger and more uncomfortable I get, the better chances my babies have for surviving and thriving.

The babies have yet to gift me their presents, but I will have to wait until Wednesday to get the big gender reveal from them! I know I have been waiting 19 weeks and what is a few more days, but seriously I am soooo impatient! I cannot wait.

So bring it on, 29. And 30 with four kids aged 5 and under should be rather interesting... I can already tell you what will be number one on my wish list: undereye concealer. :)

Birthday weekend

Drew surprised me with the most delicious breakfast I have ever had in my life.

Fresh orange juice, Nutella pancake bites, Mexican French toast, huevos rancheros, and the most divine sweet and spicy bacon of my entire life at Katalina's. We will be back.

Did I mention we could draw with chalk pens on the table?

Post breakfast I was faced with nap or workout. It wasn't late enough (the kids slept in till 9!!!!) to nap the kids so gym it was. A good time to think about my last 6 birthdays, including this one I've had a baby in my belly for half of them.

Weekly trip to Home Depot.

Bananas came to watch the ohio state game!

It Only took little d a week to learn to spell all our names! Smartie pants! We are working on kevin ;)

Neighbors are the next best thing to window shopping at Home Depot.

Not sure why today was so exhausting but it was. By 8pm was pooped out. Let's hope I have more energy tomorrow!

Finally feeling the twins and their first kicks

It's about time babies! Happened a little last night while watching tv with drew and a lot more today while coloring and playing ball with little d. Little d couldn't hide his disappointment when I told him he probably wouldn't feel them for a few more weeks... I do love that he remembered that experience with his sister and was looking forward to it again!

In other news... We are ready for Christmas. Like at least a little bit.

And little d has been working on his spelling and science skills... Maybe he will be an inventor someday?

Beymax times two

Thankful

The last year has been a whirlwind of emotions and happenings for this little family of ours that is seeming not so little the more I think about it. But my little family is my rock and I love them so much. I was struck with an incredible wave of emotion on the ride to the airport to surprise Drew yesterday. Overwhelmed with how blessed I feel my life is. Will it ever be possible for me to fully express how grateful I feel and the monumental love I feel towards this life Drew and I have built together in such a short 8 years?

This Sunday marks one year since we completed our move to Ohio. Wednesday is the big day where we find out all about these babies I've been growing for 19 weeks. Almost halfway there!

Today I gave up protein powder.

I was going to watch food inc on Netflix a few weeks ago and Anna steered me away from there "you'll never want to eat food again" so I chose Hungry for Change (recommended by Bob Harper, obviously) and it was brilliant. No, I will never be able to cut sugar completely out of my diet (nor do I want to!), but I can get better at reading ingredients and limiting the amount of processing my food goes through, within reason (aka I don't live on a farm I can live off of, or have a $1000 grocery stipend, unfortunately).

So while I may never be able to separate myself from the lure of top ramen with eggs, I can start eliminating things from my diet that I do not even like that much. Case in point: protein powder. I've used some variation of it in my diet at least once or twice a week most of my adult life because that's what health gurus and companies tell me I should do after a workout. It's fast and it's easy and I hate it. I have literally never found a protein powder or shake and I think every one has a gross/chalky taste and/or aftertaste, say what you want but just looking at the chemicals (ingredients list), well, that's what it tastes like. 

So today I've decided I am done with protein powders indefinitely. I am more than happy to supplement protein with natural sources like cottage cheese and Greek yogurt and legumes and meat.

Today's shake was delicious!

Two tablespoons of cashew butter and 1/2 cup of plain chobani, 1.5 bananas, handful of ice and some dark chocolate almond milk. 29 grams of protein!!

Something else that resonated with me from that movie was when they talked about how the more you love yourself, the better care you take of yourself. And while I've sort of always known that, I really thought about how much better I take care of myself when I am pregnant.  As much as I joke about feeling like a whale, I truly love my body the most and feel most like a beautiful, strong woman when I am pregnant (like 20 weeks, not 40 haha).

Something about connecting with that power to create really gives a good boost to my self esteem. Also for some reason no one thinks I can do anything when I am preggo (legitimately some days I can't!) so people are really impressed by things that seem normal to me, like working out or just being out and about with both kids. My post natal goal this pregnancy more than all the others is to continue to love my body, even when it is no longer growing adorable babies, because that is the key to my health.

And a healthy mama is better able to care for her babies... Especially when I'm going to have a whole litter to care for :)

Today is the first day I really felt the weight of carrying these twins

I'm So how bad is it that I'm only 18 weeks and already I no longer have any desire to wear anything but sweats?! I feel like a big blue whale today. And the worst part is I'm only going to look back on this and laugh in the coming weeks as to how small my belly is. I know.

I haven't felt this heavy in a long long time. Like I'm carrying a 20 pound bowling ball around... Today was a total wash. I felt ok but completely lazy. Yes, if I had to describe this pregnancy with one word  it would be lazy. My mind is capable of going a million miles a minute but my body is all, "let's just be chill and do.....nothing....for a few more minutes...." All I want to do is sit (or sleep) forever. And manage to have a magic fairy do all my house chores for me while I do that so when I am awake I can just play with my kids. Is that too much to ask? ;)

At least I bought groceries and started laundry. Now if I will actually finish it and put it away before Thanksgiving is the real question.

Now to go to bed with my gym clothes on so I have one less excuse to miss another day at the gym (it's been 11 since I last went, I keep track because I'm crazy like that).

Reunited and it feels so good

Had an awesome time with auntie bananas for a few days but I think sister is excited to have her tired brother back (she wouldn't let go!!).

Also I have the lovely option of choosing between two piles to tackle tonight. Thanks to Drew, I will tackle the easy one tonight (chocolate, duh!) and the rest of it will wait... Maybe until thanksgiving. Nobody come over and judge ok?

Am I the only one who needs another vacation after every vacation? Three more days till our family is back together under one roof again!

Naps

After about the first month of preschool he stopped taking them, so that left me with three days a week where I had to bribe him with quiet or nap time. One of those days I usually throw in the towel and don't even try because, well, arguing with a four year old all the time is exhausting. So of the three days I usually get one nap, one quiet time, and one "do whatever you want with dad while mom naps" time (usually Sunday's). Last night he had me up just about every hour, so today I was more than relieved when his cranky behavior admitted to me that he really needed a nap, he said so himself (!). And nap we did, for three hours, sharing the same bed and he only kicked me twice ;)

It's hard for me to go more than 48 hours without a nap this pregnancy, so when stuff like this does happen, I feel like the sandman is raining blessings on my house.

Here are a few old photos from when he was napping in my bed a few months ago, back when he was still adjusting to not napping Monday through Thursday due to preschool (and he would guaranteed crash on Friday).

Road trips!

After a year of traveling all over the Midwest and new england, I am calling it quits on the travel bug as of Monday. This is the Last One with just the two of us for a looooooong time!

Leo is famous

Love from auntie bananas

It's funny to see how shy he gets with all the attention he's been getting... After 19 months with a cutie pie baby sis by his side, I can imagine it's quite a shock to finally be noticed ;) he definitely deserves all the love and attention and as much planning and craziness went into this weekend, I know it will be worth it.

Love them!

Los gemelos

Dem babies. The twinners. We have no idea what we will call them because we already used the only two names we ever agreed on. But they are well on their way. Almost halfway!!

I'll admit, our 3rd doctors visit last Friday was a little anticlimactic. I brought little d and of course Drew came and I was hoping since we had seen the babies in ultrasounds the last two visits that mayyyyybe they could sneak a peek and tell us the genders a little early?

No dice. We were brought into a ultrasoundless room for a quick Doppler check on the heartbeats (both exactly 150) and that was it! Poor little d was so bummed out and I couldn't help but feel the same. The night before I had slept all of three listless hours because I was filled with worry about a zillion things.

I don't know my babies genders and I don't feel them moving around yet so I basically just feel like I'm getting fatter... Yayyyy.

Kidding. Sort of. Thankfully I was able to look back on my blog and find out I didn't feel either of my babies until 18 weeks (I am currently 17 weeks), I don't know why I remembered it being earlier. And then this morning I got the long anticipated phone call that my big mid pregnancy ultrasound was scheduled for 2pm December 3rd. Two weeks. But I guess when you've already been waiting 17, what's another 2? I'm antsy to do a lot of things, like move the littles in together and paint the nursery (grey, I'm over the blue even if we have boys) and start mentally planning out the future on general. But it will have to wait. And I can be patient. I have to.

This is a huge change, doubling the  children in our family. So as excited as I am for the new changes I am going to enjoy being pregnant and spending time with the family I already have. My goal is to make it to at least 36 weeks if I can, to take me to the end of March. And to have the babies early enough or late enough so that I can enjoy my baby girls 2nd birthday on April 11.

I'm so excited though. No matter which of the 3 combinations we end up with, I know it will be a perfect complement to our little family. And I'm grateful for this journey I'm allowed to be on with them.

The closest I'll ever get to a tropical breakfast. Too bad I always have to share with two littles on the outside as well as two on the inside...

Each kid amazes me with the creativity and uniqueness they come with. Little a's silliest gag... She has to line everyone (and her blankets) up before bedtime. She usually picks bunny to sleep with after.

Growing growing 

Confession: I don't like fireplaces

It's true. I think they are hideous and useless and when we looked for a house I honestly was most attracted to the houses where I felt like I could hide them. One of my biggest complaints is that they are ugly!! Big black dirty holes, full of dust in our case because to use it would not really make our home any warmer. 

I've been planning this for almost a year and I'm super pleased with the way it turned out.

It's a magnetic board, galvanized steel, and the biggest bonus is that it is just one more place that my kids can use without driving me crazy (I hate the nasty dirtiness of that fire pit!). But it's remove able in case we do decide to remove it, and I'm excited to make some new magnets with little d (one of his favorite things to do!) and litter this little space with photos and magnets and more drawings.

My sweet sweet boy

Yesterday little d was praying over our dinner and asked if Heavenly Father could grow the babies in my belly real fast so I could not be so sick anymore. Bless his heart, he thought this cold I've been dealing with for a few days was just a continuation of the morning sickness I've been struggling with the last four months (which must seem like forever in his mind!). I can't blame him, because it was only about a week ago that the sickness finally started to go down and this cold (I get it every year, I swear!) followed right in it's heels, which has left me struggling and most mornings not getting (permanently) out of bed before 10, when my kids are up at 7, because I struggle so much with staying asleep at night (I'm up every few hours coughing or congested, or going to the bathroom obviously, thank you babies). It's nice to know that while he enjoys getting extra tv time that he would rather have his mama doing stuff with him instead.

Then this morning I was taking a huge casserole from fridge to freezer, both kids grabbing and complaining at me about lunch, and I dropped it on my foot. I should have been more grateful it didn't hit a kids head but I was in SO much pain, I screamed and fell to my knees in tears, mostly because of how unexpected it was. I immediately sent little d out of the room because I didn't want to say something in anger I would regret while I calmed down.

I called him back a minute later once I had regained my composure, and he have me a huge hug. He confessed that I broke his heart (!). When I questioned him about it he said that when he saw me so sad he felt like his heart was breaking and mine did too. I explained to him why I sent him away, because I love him so much and didn't want to say anything I that would make him upset, and amazingly he seemed to understand.

My darling firstborn son knows and understands more than I ever give him credit for. As I have been going through old photos, trying to whittle them down from his first year, I am overwhelmed with how in love with him I am. I have learned and grown so much from him. He is such a blessing in this family and having three little siblings at the age of 5 will certainly be a lot to handle, but I know he is up to the challenge of super "big-brotherhood".

I love spending time with just my little d, and even after just over 19 months of dealing with not having him as my one and only, i still struggle with guilt in not getting to spend more quality one on one time with him. It's hard and I know it will only get harder but when I see him play with his sister, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I made the right decision to make him a big brother, because he is truly awesome at it. Not 100% of the time, but for a 4.5 year old, he is doing a truly amazing job.

I love his smile. His infectious laugh. His insatiable love of learning. Him spelling out the names of businesses as we drive and asking me what they spell. The way he snuggles up against my belly and talks to and kisses and loves on his unborn siblings. The way he shares a cookie with his sister at the grocery store. I love his drawings especially because so many of them are drawn for me. I love that he tries so hard to be independent and do things to make me proud. Because I am!

I am SO proud of everything this sweet boy is turning into, a truly sweet spirit who entered my life at the most perfect time. He came into this world half dead and has since then turned into a fierce personality to be reconed with. I am so blessed to have a good natured, happy and friendly firstborn because his little sister wants to be just like him and I can't imagine a better scenario.

He is amazing. He is his fathers son, gifted with athletic skills I could only dream of having. Capable of so much learning and love and imagination and I feel so lucky that my Heavenly Father chose myself to raise this elite spirit. He has my heart, in a way I only thought drew could do, and he had it even before I met him, when he was still growing in my womb. I will always have a piece of him, that sweet little c section scar on my abdomen (that he requests to see every year on his birthday when I recount his birth story and he apologizes and asks me if it still hurts) on me for the rest of my life.

Baby boy, I love you.

And please never stop drawing pictures for your mama.

(The day we moved to ohio, November 30 2013)

The present.

Sometimes I catch myself reminiscing about the simplicity of our college student life, or (mostly at night) fitfully worrying about a future I can't predict.

Thankfully, I've been really good, especially lately, about snapping myself back into the present and enjoying life as it happens. It's not always easy but I do love watching my life unfurl in real time.

And while so much has changed with jobs and kids and lifestyle over the last 9 years, it is a relief to know that at our cores, Drew and I are still the same people, with the same habits, doing very much the same things we were doing back in 2005. I feel incredibly blessed to have had a relationship that was built on a lot of hanging out, watching shows, and most importantly, laughing together. For the most part (aside from hangout time during the day) I don't feel like I am missing out on anything we had in our relationship before we had kids. Except we maybe have far less pictures of just the two of us. ;)

First snow day was November 17!

Covering up all the Elsa gear was the saddest part of the snow day. And cold hands.

Bffs on their way to prek!

Story time tonight

Intently listening to little d's teacher!

When I look back at all the wonderful times of our lives together it is so easy to compare different times and seasons (we struggle with the baby season and rather enjoy once we finally hit the "old enough to communicate and play with" season) but if I am completely honest with myself and look at this stage in my life, I could not be more pleased with the way it is turning out and the way we have grown as people and parents and spouses.

Incredibly grateful for a (my favorite Heidi Powell saying, "perfectly imperfect") beautiful life.

Missionaries

So there I was in the self checkout lane (I'm a glutton for punishment) with my two loco children climbing all over me and the shopping cart at Meijer, having undergone 40 minutes of painfully slow shopping because of Braxton hicks (mostly due to all the coughing, and of course I forgot to bring water), also I'm pregnant and I swear the cold makes me slower anyway, I've been sick with a cold all weekend, I had a pounding headache, I was exhausted (it was only 4:15pm) and wanted nothing more than to be taking a nap. But I had to go to Meijer because the kids did not have properly fitting gloves and it's about to get crazy cold tomorrow (not that it wasn't today). Did I mention I didn't go to the gym so I hadn't showered and drew had just left for the airport?

Phew. Deep breath.

And then ....our sweet sweet sister missionaries stop me and say hello and see how I am doing and then bag my groceries as they talk to the littles and keep them distracted enough so that with what minimal brainpower I had left I could pay for said groceries.

And it was such a little thing they did, such a small act of service. And yet it completely made my day a little better. And I like to think and hope and pray that my sister Sarah is finding people like me, who need a little bit of sunshine in their (momentarily) miserable day and can listen to the spirit and act accordingly.

In a day where it's hard to find things to be grateful for, I am grateful for the Christlike love and service of our wonderful young missionaries.

 

And so my loved ones don't freak out, my day ended splendidly with some kardashians, the Steve Jobs biopic and some jams.

Literally nothing has the power to (99.9% of the time) make me feel better like a clean set of pretty nails.

My social network

I always have to laugh when people look at me with so much concern: "you're having twins and your husband travels HOW much?! He's looking for a new job right?!?!" No, he's not and quite frankly I don't want him to.

Probably one of the biggest concerns I had with living in Massachusetts was the sheer distance between where we lived and any family or friends we had. Usually about 40 minutes depending on traffic. Also we lived so out of the way I always felt guilty asking people to come visit us.

Living where we live now in ohio could not be more opposite. We are by a huge shopping Mecca, close to the church and rec and gym and schools and playgrounds....having lived here almost a year now and knowing the area as well I know it, we could not have picked a better location. We are close to family and friends and have had family come visit us from Utah and Massachusetts and Illinois.... That, coupled with extended family (my parents and brother and grandma 20 mins away, my cousin 35 and aunts nearby as well), all the friends from church and preschool and neighbors.... Well, we have a never ending supply of love and support and I could not do the whole husband traveling bit without every one  of them.

So the times when drew is in town, we do all we can to spend quality time with him. And when he goes out of town, I feel like I do a pretty good job lining up enough hangouts with loved ones that it helps the littles and I cope quite well with the absence of our darling husband and father. Speaking of fathers, I do love being able to visit my dad at work

We can host Halloween parties with cousins!

And convince my parents to make creepy food like bloody (cranberry juice) hands

Epic fail every year but we still try 

Preschool friends

Grandma Astrid

The preschool gang

Bananas from Illinois (someday she will live down the street....)

And Emily (Anna's old roommate) stopping by on her trek from Utah to Florida 

Church friends 

Keelys kids. 

Book club at church 

Uncle Dk

Neighbors

My inlaws coming to visit (and the subsequent trek to michigan for a Utah game sometime in my miserable first trimester)

Supremely, could not be more blessed In that aspect. My social network has never been so wonderful.