The twins are four weeks old!

An eternity and a nanosecond....in a nutshell that's how I feel these last few weeks have gone. I feel like I am finall getting my feet back from under me, and while the four kid song and dance isn't easy, it's getting to be more manageable, although with still a decent amount of help and TV shows I suppose I have yet to be tested. Today did mark the first day when, as my MiL and I took two cars to take all four littles for prek dropoff (to show off little d's babies of course), it did feel a little rediculous carting around the six of us in two cars. I have finally started getting to the point where I am getting antsy for our family car. Not desperate as of yet, just antsy. Hopefully by the end of the month we can have a better idea on when we will get the car...but certainly my days of driving around just two kids at a time are numbered!

Four weeks. Lo and behold, The cradle cap has begun like it did with little a (whomp whomp) taking all of Lo's hair with it! Lan has a far less severe case of it and as a result still has most of his hair. Now the only real way for non immediate family to tell them apart is that Lan is the bigger of the two.

Last night was the first night that both of them consistently were awake at the same times... Usually only one is up and I have to wake up the other one for night feelings but they seem to have gotten to be more in sync lately. Still 2.5 ish hour stretches between feedings but I'm just trying to be grateful it's not every hour like it was he other day. Tandem feeding definitely helps and I could not be more grateful for the decision to buy the breastfeeding pillow I got.

Lo takes a binky, usually falls asleep easiest and still has a little bitty baby cry. He's long lanky and just about as skinny as can be since he would (until the last few days) rather sleep than take a feeding at night. He's all bald up top now (for a culdesac hairline) but he's got this beautifully colored and shaped head so I don't mind at all. He's a great smuggler and falls asleep on his back easier than his tummy. Hates tummy time and therefore stinks at it for now. Still the sweetest quietest and most content baby I've ever had! Both boys spit up but he almost never makes it a feeding without a spit up. 

Lan is, I have decided, high maintenance like his big brother little d. (At least it sounds better to me than fussy!) he loves attention, to be held and to be at the boob, to be completely honest. We are still trying with the pacifiers but mostly he acts offended if one goes near his mouth so I am thinking its a losing battle. His screams reach the high heavens but don't usually bother Lo by some miracle. He always has his hands near his face and every move is accentuated by a grunt or groan.... He's is a noisy boy even when he is happily sleeping, but I have gotten used to the noise and know that if he really wants something it's going to be "five alarm" loud so I definitely won't chance missing it. 

I was telling drew last night how easy it was  to love these boys... Lan for the complexity of his personality... Almost like he forces you to get to know him better and that fascinates me. Lo for the obvious reasons that he's turned into the family sweetheart (look out there, big sister!)

I can honestly  say I have a favorite daughter, oldest son, middle son, and baby boy. I love that all of my kids are unique and so special to me in different ways and I feel so blessed to have them complete our little family that drew and I started just over 9 years ago.

Nights are still a challenge trying to get enough sleep...days are a challenge trying to balance the needs of four small children with just one mama. But it's all terribly rewarding and a great privilege I feel my Heavenly Father has entrusted  me with these sweet souls.

And as for me at four weeks postpartum? I feel awesome. Ready to tackle the world (or at least the gym) in two weeks. Walked a 20 minute mile this weekend, so hopefully I can break 16 mins by the end of the month haha.

Still 15ish pounds over my regular weight but only this week have I tried to watch my eating and eat a little more healthily, even though I haven't lost any weight since the initial post op drop, I feel significantly better and stronger than I did even a week ago.

It will be quite a journey to get back to feeling normal, but being able to take the kids on walks to the park is definitely a good start.

Almost four weeks with twins

Nearly four weeks of newborn sleep, spit up, crying, diaper and wardrobe changes, and all I have to show for it are these under eye bags and a mummy tummy.

I wished these weeks away in my first two pregnancies but this time around I've been soaking it all in, enjoying every bit of their littleness and trying not to make time move any faster than it already is.

We are officially out of newborn diapers today. My boys are chunking up little by little and soon they will outgrow these 3 month outfits.

The best part about all this is that I am happy. Happier than I was at this point with either of my two bigger littles, probably because having a light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that this is the last time I will experience this, makes me enjoy it (and have more patience with everything!) so much more. I probably should have had that "this is my last one" mentality with the other two, haha. Oh well you live and you learn!

The sleep conundrum

The first 6 weeks (ok 3 months) of babyhood are always the worst. You're trying to figure out the personality of this new creature (or creatures in this instance), what they like and dislike and how much sleep they want or need, what setting is best for getting into a good frame of mind for sleeping and so on. Every baby is different and so it goes those first six weeks with the dance of different binkies, bedtimes, swaddlers, noise machines, feedings, etc etc and you get the drill... This time has obviously been hardest since there are two of them. Two very very different personalities, nearly polar opposite. In a nutshell:

I keep telling myself to wait out the first six weeks before labeling him a "fussy" baby... But Lan seems hell bent sometimes at showing me how miserable he is, even when he has just gotten a good meal and a clean diaper. Both boys get difficult after 8 pm with the nonstop crying and feeding until they collapse in a heap to sleep, but at least Lo takes a pacifier. Lan just likes to use me as one :/

So to sleeping. When I play with the big kids and largely ignore the babies during the day, they fall into a good eat wake sleep pattern (well, Lan takes longer to fall asleep without assistance or being held), and are really not awake for very long. Even at night it's not so bad from like midnight to 5am when they still wake up to eat every few hours but are getting better at falling asleep on their own shortly after. It that 5-9am and 8-midnight times that seem most difficult right now, when they are supposed to be in that easy newborn stage where they fall asleep all the time... And usually one of them will. But like I said, polar opposites. My biggest worry comes after that six week mark (in 2 weeks!) when they "wake up" a littl more and we get into more of a routine as a family and getting out and doing more stuff, since that was the point where little a kept me up all night and slept all day (because of the constant commotion and car seat travel  of the day to day) and I certainly don't want to wind up doing that again. But I also want to be able to just be able to park a stroller at the park and play with my big kids, knowing that it's ok that the babies are sleeping... And for that I am grateful my mother in law is here through the 26th of this month while I figure all this out, and in the mean time I can take care of myself and the babies, knowing that the big kids are well taken care of. I sure did marry a great guy with a wonderful family.

Lan and me last night...both these boys are excellent snugglers, even if it means that it's the only way Lan will sleep (or calm down) some evenings.

I don't love it (especially since Lan makes a ton of noise even when asleep, with every move he makes it is accompanied by a grunt groan or crying occasionally) but the boys are still sleeping right by my bedside. Don't get me wrong, it's great that they are keeping up my milk supply by nursing every two hours at night but I sure wish the longer three hour stretches between feedings happened at night instead of day. Once we get to that point I will probably go ahead and move them into their own rooms... But getting up every 90 minutes is so not my thing. So for now they stay put.

Although if I compare my first month with the boys with my last month of this pregnancy, while my sleep now is in smaller more frequent chunks, it is infinitely better now because I can fall asleep so quickly and comfortably.

Oh man do I love these little bugs. Lo is just the sweetest little easygoing baby boy and Lan is getting so strong and fun to talk to since he now holds his head up really well and focuses on you when you talk to him. They have their moments but I am so very grateful I'm their mom (and that they are my last ones instead of my firsts!).

Three weeks old

We just switched to size one diapers (although Lo could still be in newborns, he is still long and lanky). Still fitting into newborn clothes, but snugly. They are still feeding about every 2 hours so if you do the math... The times that I can't get them to eat at the same time means k nurse every hour, if you can imagine. I try not to let that happen but at night I am so tired that I usually don't bother waking up a sleeping twin... Needless to say I try not to pay attention to the clock at night until the sun comes up. Too depressing and in this case ignorance May by be bliss but it's more tolerable for me. Last night was my first night solo with the boys and I would be lying if I said it wasn't difficult. But it was manageable and hopefully with time we will get into a good nighttime schedule. It's getting a little bit easier to keep the boys awake during the day after feelings (the big kids are a super big help in that aspect) but usually at least one is oh so sleepy that even a diaper change won't wake him.

Both boys take binkies now (knock on wood). They still spend their nights right by my bed in the sleep n play things, and days are mostly Spent in the bouncers downstairs.

A lot of crying and feedings and diaper changes. But something about knowing these are (more than likely) our last babies makes it so much more manageable, and I feel myself treasuring these early weeks as much as I can (where everyone knows the first six weeks are always the worst, mostly because you are spending all your time trying to figure out the personality of your new babe!) and certainly more than i did with the other two.

Life is good. Crazy but good. And even with only getting sleep in 5 min-2 hour increments, I still feel more alert and "myself" than I did getting 8 hours of sleep with two hour naps in my last trimester.

I also need to throw it out there and say that my sweet big littles have been the very best siblings anyone could ask for. They are loving and kind and little d is always asking what he can do to help me with the babies. I am so blessed!

And little a has started "changing" diapers of her kitty, which has been hilarious!! She wipes threat kitty's whole body down claiming its "all poopy!"

I love my older kids for keeping me laughing every day.

First Mother's Day as a mom of 4

In case you were curious, FOUR HOURS is how long it took me to get myself and the littles ready for our first Sunday back at church. And naturally, Lan was in his outfit all of five seconds (I literally had time to just snap this pic) before puking all over it.

I have never felt more dominated by total and complete motherhood. It's pretty all consuming, as was evidenced by the fact that the first two hours of church were spent changing diapers and nursing.

And somehow I don't mind it one bit.

I'm a lucky lady to get to spend today with my mom and grandma and then to get my mother in law coming into town later this week. I also have a lot of motherly role models in the form of sisters, aunts, cousins, friends, etc and hopefully I show them and they know how much I love and admire them each day (and not just once a year!). Happy Mother's Day!

The gorgeous flowers from my big littles and Drew!... Perfect timing since the cut flowers they got me in the hospital finally had to be trashed. Oh how I love beautiful flowers!

 (Stole this from Anna!) love you, mama!

We ended the night with a dinner with the krons (where grandma Joanne got to meet the twinners!), and an evening outside in the gorgeous weather.

I'm so lucky to have this guy who made me his wife and has been my number one supporter (especially in the last three weeks!) in becoming the mother I am today. Also he made me chocolate chip cookie pie which I forgot to photograph but it was divine!! I am So so blessed. 

And I got a little something from my dad... My mom showed me her necklace from my dad (that had my parents names and then me and my three siblings names) and I thought, what a great idea! I loved the double sidedness and the fact that it held the whole family's names without looking clunky. Then my dad gave me my own that looks the same as hers (different names obviously).

I got this from little d: flowers and a card made in prek:

And little a made this in nursery:

I love it all... And I could totally get used to this! I love Mother's Day. Can't wait to see what the next year holds for our family.

Indisputable facts #1 and #2 about having 4 kids under 5

1. You can pretty much assume someone is always going to be crying, whining, complaining or otherwise going to be upset. The sooner you accept that (and can learn to stay sane through the crying), the happier you'll be. Thankfully we were blessed with two wonderfully complainy big littles so we are no stranger to tears around here. Haha but in all seriousness having the experience of two older kids who cried quite a bit and were never awesome sleepers till after they got all their teeth in means we have a decent amount of experience in this realm. While I can't always keep my cool, raising the big littles has definitely been good prep work for the twinners. And my eyes have really been opened as to why we got the two for one deal... Our decision to have another child has always been dependent on the behavior of our youngest child, and while our sweet little #4 Lo could nearly be classified as "easygoing" (about 80% of the time at least), our #3 Lan is quite another story and let's just say there would be no #4 is he didn't come along with his brother, which would have been quite sad indeed, since he is definitely a much needed source of calm sweetness in our crazy family.

2. You will be changing a rediculous amount of diapers. I'll be honest, between diaper changes and nursing, that's how i spend like 80% of my waking hours. And surprisingly enough, I'm ok with that. Mostly because thinking about dealing with two sets of diaper changes AND a potty training toddler makes my stomach churn.... I'll take the security of diapers over accidents any day of the week!

Happy weekending!

The boys get their quilted moose quilts

So excited to open the package!!!

Part of me hates to post this one but it is truly representational of Lan's personality.

Always with the angry eyes... Little a tried to calm him down

It sort of worked 

And the other side of his quilt:

Lo makes things infinitely easier in the photography department:

To handsome boys with two very different personalities. The quilts are perfect and are our most treasured possessions (along with the ones the big littles have and the one Concessa made for our wedding of the Columbus temple!). We are so lucky to have Auntie Kesha in our lives!!!